Embers Left Shall Flame Again
by freedomnova
Summary: Magnus lost perhaps the one he loved the most in all his years of living. That night plays over and over in his mind, the night his family fell apart,The night Alec fell. Magnus must move on with their son. Yet images haunt a young man just starting a family of his own, images of a dark haired face with enchanting eyes and a smile that doesn't belong to his wife.
1. Chapter 1

**AN- So it's been forever since I read the books I'm currently re-reading as the tv show has re awakened my love for the books. I got this idea not sure how it will work or where it will go. So Review and let me know what you guys think.**

* * *

 _Nothing is ever lost or can be lost,_  
 _The body,sluggish, aged and cold,_  
 _The embers left from earlier fires,_  
 _The light in the eyes grow dim,_  
 _Shall dully flame again. -Walt Whitman._

Alec smiled over at Magnus as they walked together hand and hand. They had left little Max with Jace and Clary for a few hours so they could have a date night. Magnus hadn't realize how much work having a baby would be even though they were together every night Magnus felt like he and Alec didn't get much time for just themselves. It was a hard adjustment to go through, most couples had nine months to get used to the idea of having a child they hadn't even had nine minutes of preparation for a child.

Magnus had never really thought about having children or even raising one the idea never even crossed his mind. The most he had ever come to thinking about kids was having a cat, but never a real live baby that he needed every ounce of Alec's attention and even his own. Magnus wouldn't change the decision even if he could, he loved having a son with Alec and he loved that they were a family, but sometimes he missed spending a whole Sunday without the couple even leaving their bed.

He loved the way Alec was with the baby so caring, so soft. Seeing the baby in Alec's arms always made Magnus feel a way he never thought he could. He had always known he loved Alec but seeing him with the baby made him love the man even more. Especially because the child was a warlock and Alec didn't see the baby as anything but a baby in need of a home. He smiled just thinking of how open-minded Alec was, how he didn't seem to care that his whole family was downworlders. Alec was a child of the angles, but didn't let that blind him.

In all his years Magnus had always wanted to find someone to love him and for him to love. Many times he came close and a few people had loved him the way he had loved them, but in the end they had chose to move on to have a 'real' life with someone. In the end everyone always chose to leave him, in the end his heart was always broken. He knew he would lose Alec one day, but he knew it would never be because Alec chose to leave.

"I love you." Magnus said stopping and pulled Alec to him so they were chest to chest.

"I love you too." Alec told him. He leaned forward and kissed Magnus.

Magnus loved kissing Alec because unlike any of his past relationships kissing someone had always felt like the passion fell away with every kiss. Yet with Alec every kiss felt like the first one. Every kiss made him fall more and more in love with his partner. No one had ever made him feel this way and Magnus had kissed a lot of people in his long life.

Thinking back on that moment in his life Magnus wished he hadn't been so wrapped up in loving Alec, because perhaps if he had then he would have known what was to come next. He would have known in only moments his life would be ripped apart.

Alec loved every part of being wrapped in Magnus's arms. It was hard to believe a few years ago he never would have thought this possible. A few years ago he would have thought being wrapped in a warlocks arms let alone a man's was a dirty deed. If he had seen this in his past he would have thought it gross thought it wrong. He hated how for so long he had believed everything his family tried to teach him. Caring for any downworlders was wrong, loving men was wrong. He had believed for so long he was dirt, he was wrong. He grew up hating himself for the way he felt he hated his feelings that he fought everyday.

It took a long time for him to fully understand he was different then Jace, different then most shadow hunters his age. When he realized his feelings for his best friend he was only thirteen years old and he had cried himself to sleep realizing what those feelings meant. He lived each day hating himself, never thinking he was worthy of anything. Perhaps that was why he always put everyone else first why he always had Jace's and Izzy's back because he didn't see the point in having someone watch his. In a way deep down he knew he wanted a demon to sneak up on him, to take him out so he wouldn't have the feelings he did, so he could escape the pain he lived in.

He learned to hate himself and hate every fantasy that came to his mind that is until he met Magnus. The warlock had unlocked a whole new world to the young shadow hunter. Even if it started out slow Magnus was always kind to him, always slow enough always thinking about him. Magnus was the first one to put him first, to see him over Jace and Izzy. Magnus was the first that didn't want Jace, didn't want Izzy, but him. Only back then Alec had still thought his feelings were wrong especially when he began to realize he was attracted to a warlock.

Being attracted to a downworlders was frowned upon and greatly disproved of among shadow hunters, but being gay was worse. Being gay and attracted to a downworlders just wasn't done. Alec had hid everything from those he cared about, or he thought he did. When it came down to it Jace had always known Alec was gay and so did Izzy. It didn't faze them, they still loved him and they were happy for him when he realized that being gay didn't make him an awful person. They also didn't care he was falling for a warlock.

In the end his whole family had decided to love him instead of push him away. They didn't care who Alec loved because they loved him and if he loved Magnus then they accepted it. They had even approved of Alec adopting the young warlock boy wanting him to even name the baby after his late little brother. They decided to chose loving their son over hundreds of years of prejudice the shadowhunters always had.

Life was good right now that much Alec knew. He loved living with Magnus he loved having a son with him. He loved how accepting his family was he couldn't complain about anything he had in his life right now. "As much as I love being out with you right now." Alec told his lover. "I think it's time we head home."

Magnus smiled at Alec his face close enough that just a slight tilt of his head would cause their lips to touch. "Is that so?" he asked.

"I bet Jace and Clary are in above their heads." Alec whispered.

"They need the practice." Magnus whispered. "Now that they have their little accident on the way."

"That's not a nice thing to say." Alec's eyes fell to Magnus lips. Magnus pushed up against Alec more but didn't respond, he slid his arms down Alec's back and just grinned at him.

They kissed again, a kiss that Magnus would remember forever. In the moment he never would have known how important that kiss was, how much he would go back and reply the kiss over and over in his mind. He would reply this moment in his mind time and time again, hoping praying it would play out different. Yet each time it would always end the same. This would be the last kiss they shared.

In all the years Magnus had been alive he had lost many people he cared about, but his heart never broke the way it did when he lost Alec. He never knew he could feel that kind of pain. He had held many people as they left the world because many people he loved had died in front of him before, but watching the life leave Alec had been the hardest.

This kiss hinted that when they got home and when little Max was asleep they would stay up a little extra late and enjoy each other's company, but that promise would never come. Magnus heard a noise that sounded like flesh ripping and in that moment Alec's kiss grew stiff. Alec gasped breaking the kiss a look Magnus had never seen in Alec's eyes washed over those beautiful blue eyes. For a moment the warlock was confused he didn't know what happened. Alec began to fall away Magnus tried to hold on to him, but he was too heavy. Alec fell to his knees as he held his stomach. Magnus stumbled back slightly looking down he felt a small pain and noticed something had stabbed him too, but it hadn't gone far only a simple flesh wound for Magnus, but Alec wasn't a simple flesh wound. In horror Magnus realized someone, something had stabbed Alec straight through the stomach.

Magnus fell to his knees as he grabbed Alec as Alec began to fall. Magnus guided Alec to the ground his head in his lap softly as fear began to grip him. He looked around, but saw no one, felt no one. He put his hand over Alec's wound and began to heal it, but it wasn't working. He tried pouring all his magic into Alec, but the wound wasn't healing it wasn't even attempting to heal.

"No, no, no." Magnus began to chant, this couldn't be happening. Alec's blood was pouring onto the ground Magnus was kneeling in it now staining his designer clothing, but he didn't care. All he cared about was Alec and that was far to much blood to be coming out of him.

"It's not working." Alec gasped as he grabbed Magnus's hand, "It's not going to work."

"No." Was all Magnus could say, tears were beginning to form in his eyes. He was losing him he was losing his Angel.

"I love you." He gasped, "And Max. Tell him I love him."

"You tell him yourself." Magnus tried to say calmly, "You're going to be fine, and we are going to go home."

"Jace." He chocked. "Tell him, I'm-" he coughed blood began falling from his mouth, "I love him and I'm sorry for leaving."

"You aren't leaving." Magnus told him, "You can't leave me."

"We knew this coming." Alec moved his hand with great effort and stroked Magnus's cheek, "It just came earlier then we thought."

"We were supposed to have years." Magnus couldn't stop the tears now. "You were supposed to die an old man in our bed."

Alec gave a weak bloody smile, "You taught me how to live Magnus." His voice was only a soft whisper now, "Thank you." As the words left his mouth his hand fell away from Magnus's face hitting the ground heavy. "I love you." His voice whispered fading away.

"No!" Magnus yelled, "Alec! Alec." But Alec's head fell to the side and Magnus saw his chest stop struggling to rise. "Come back to me." He whispered he never wished someone could come back to him like he did right now. "ALEC!" he yelled.

An anger began to fill him and anger he couldn't control, his magic began to pour out of him as he tried time and time again to heal Alec's broken body, this couldn't be the end, this couldn't be how their story ended. They had been through so much, seen to much to end like this.

"Magnus!" a voice yelled behind him "Alec I felt-" Jace's voice broke away as he saw Magnus holding Alec's body. "No." he whispered, "It can't be."

Magnus couldn't hear Jace or rather he didn't care his magic was flowing out of him, it had been a long time since he lost control like this, he had only been a child the last time he lost control. He could hear Jace calling him, but it was as if he was miles away. And then a green light seemed to blind him for a moment and a strong heat made Magnus fall backwards. When he could see again he could feel Jace by his side. He looked to where Alec's body had been, but there was only a pile of ashes. Magnus wasn't sure what happened perhaps the magic that he had lost control of kept trying to heal Alec until it burned up his body Magnus didn't know. He just shook he shook as the tears fell from his eyes. Alec was gone. Alec was gone.

* * *

Two years had gone by and Magnus still felt like it was yesterday that he held Alec in his arms. The only thing that had kept him going since Alec's death was little Max the baby was the last part of Alec that he had. Sure Max wasn't the biological son of Alec, but he held Alec's last name and he held everything Alec had hoped for their future together. Magnus had to go on for the baby, their baby.

It was harder then he thought raising the child, he had thought having a baby when it was the two of them was hard, but being a single father was by far more challenging then having his partner by his side. The Lightwoods helped when they could, but Magnus couldn't help but feel Alec's parents blamed him for the death of their son, Magnus hadn't been able to save him. Thinking back to the day he lost his lover he still couldn't figure out why he hadn't been able to heal him or what had attacked them that night. He cursed himself for not paying more attention to what was going on that day. That night, that kiss. Magnus played it over and over in his mind trying to pick up on details that could help him, but he was so wrapped up in being in Alec's arms, kissing him he hadn't sensed anything, felt anything other then Alec.

"Papa." Max said running up to him, "Home!" the little boy was excited as Magnus walked through the front door. Izzy was close behind him smiling at seeing how much the little boy loved his father.

"Yes." Magnus said scooping up the child a smile coming to his face, a smile that only Alec and Max could bring to him. Alec was gone now so the only one that could bring forth the smile was little Max.

"He has been wanting you all day." Izzy spoke.

"I missed you too my little blue berry." Magnus spoke looking at his son.

Izzy picked up her coat, "Thanks for letting me watch him." Izzy said.

"No thank you, the usual sitter backed out last second thanks for coming short notice." It was still hard to see Izzy at times. Every time Magnus looked at her he thought of Alec he thought of how much he had failed the girl by not keeping her brother alive.

"I missed him." Izzy said, "any time you need me I'll be here."

"It will be harder for you to keep up with him in the months to come." Magnus said looking at her stomach. Her once provocative clothing was gone now in exchange for a more respectable outfit that still showed off her body, but in a classy way revealing a slight bump where her and Simon's child was now growing.

Izzy smiled and put her hand on her stomach, but her smile faded for a moment and Magnus knew it was because she thought of Alec, her brother who would never know his nephew.

"I'm sorry." Magnus said softly his heart hurting again.

"There is nothing you have to be sorry for." Izzy told him, "That night wasn't your fault, you have to stop blaming yourself. Shadowhunters die young." She tried to make it sound reasonable why Alec had died, that they all should have been ready for it, but he knew it was her way of trying to stay strong, her way of coping.

Magnus nodded his head, but he knew Alec died to young, he missed out on so much. "How are the others?" Magnus asked he hadn't seen much of Jace or Clary since Alec's death. Clary still dropped by from time to time, but Jace didn't take losing Alec well. Jace blamed himself he said he should have always been there for Alec and it left a hole within the young shadowhunter it was almost as if a part of Jace had died that night.

Izzy shrugged, "They put on a good front, but I don't know something feels off." She told him, "Jace isn't the same and Clary I don't know if she can take much more. Jace is hardly home, always hunting always trying to find who ever it was that-" she stopped before she said 'killed Alec.'

Magnus nodded his head knowing where she was going, "They will work it out." He said, but he wasn't sure if that was the truth or not. Izzy nodded her head agreeing with him.

"Anyways, I should head home. Simon will be wanting dinner." She said. Magnus smiled,

"You mean you want dinner and Simon will cook it?"

Izzy gave him a playful dare, "I don't see why none of you ever want me to cook I'm not that bad."

"Let's ask the expert." Magnus grinned, "Max how is Aunt Izzy's cooking."

Max wrinkled his nose, "Yucky."

"Thanks little guy." Izzy pretended to glare at him, but couldn't hold back the smile. She looked up at Magnus then, "Call me if you need anything." She told him, "You are still family."

Magnus nodded his head as the girl put her jacket on and left leaving Magnus alone with his son.

* * *

He couldn't get the image out of his mind it was never a full image and often came to him when he was sleeping, but he could remember dark hair, dark skin and a smile, a smile that made him smile. It was warm it was inviting it was home.

And the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen eyes that made no sense. It was almost like an image that would haunt him both day and night. The look in the eyes seemed to be pleading, begging, but for what he didn't know.

He sighed and rolled over in his bed glancing next to him he frowned, Laia wasn't there. That didn't matter often he tossed and turned too much and Laia would get up and start cleaning the house or doing some other chore that hadn't been done that day.

He looked up at the ceiling thinking of Laia's eyes they were brown and normal nothing like the enchanted eyes he saw in his sleep, Laia's hair was blonde there was no hint of dark anywhere. He loved Laia with all his heart, but the image of dark hair and enchanting eyes wouldn't stop playing in his mind. Laia had a beautiful smile, but it wasn't the lips he dreamt about.

A noise from the doorway made him turn his head to see his wife walking into the room.

"You're up." Laia said smiling as she climbed onto the bed. She then brushed some hair out of his face and put a soft smile, "You were tossing and turning all night."

"Sorry." He muttered

"No need to be sorry, I just wanted to see if you were alright." She paused, "Nightmares again?"

"I'm fine, I promise." he replied kissing her as he grinned and glanced down placing his hand on Laia's stomach, "How did I get so lucky to have a beautiful wife like you, with a baby on the way?"

Laia grinned, "Some guys have all the luck." She leaned down and kissed him and he pulled her down on top of him she let out a squeal as her husband surprised her.

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 **AN-So what do you guys think worth continuing?**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN-Another chapter let me know what you guys think.**

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Magnus watched Max play in the park with the other children he had put a light glamour on the boy so any of the mundanes would think the young toddler was the same as all the other little ones running around. Perhaps these were the only moments Magnus had really smiled since Alec had died, whenever he was with little Max.

He had lost many people in his long life, but the loss of Alec had been different, Magnus had known all his life he was searching for love. Not just any love but the kind that creates a fire from embers a fire that would be hot and strong, consuming. At times he had thought he found it, but the fires were never strong enough to stay within him long. When it came down to all the lovers of his past Magnus saw none that burned as bright as Alec had.

The young shadow hunter had come into his life when he had stopped looking for love, when he began to think the idea he had in his mind was impossible, but Alec had been every hope Magnus had dared to hope. It had been a nephilim of all the creatures he could have loved it was a child of the angel that had been everything to him. And now that person was gone his short life cut far to short.

Magnus knew Alec feared what life was to bring he often spoke of what would happen as he grew old, would Magnus still love an old man? Magnus had always answered yes, he wanted to watch Alec grow old to see Alec live a long an full life, but that hadn't happen life hadn't gone how he would have wanted.

At night Magnus still woke up calling for his lost love, he still hoped to smell coffee brewing from the coffee machine he had only gotten to make Alec happy. He still hoped to roll over in bed and smell where Alec had been laying only to find it empty because he had gone to train. He always used to say Magnus slept the day away and Alec would then smile wake him up with a kiss and pull him from the bed so they could start their day together. Magnus missed that. Now he woke to Max's cried but no strong arms to pull him from the bed.

He had found company of others, men and women since Alec had died, but nothing more then one night stands. He could feel anything for anyone not like he had felt for Alec. Those embers had died away now leaving only ashes behind no fire would build within him for another again that much he was sure. He had been told once or twice since Alec's death that he would be able to move on one day like he had from all his lost loves, but no one understood Alec had been different, Alec had been everything.

"Papa." Max said running over only tripping once. "I'm hungry."

"You my little blue berry are always hungry." He lifted the toddler up and was about to leave the park when he was stopped.

"Warlock children shouldn't be playing with normal children." The man before him spoke. Magnus frowned taking in the look of a shadow hunter who he hadn't seen before.

"Max shall play with who ever I see fit." Magnus said his hand tightening around the child something in the look of the shadow hunter's eyes didn't sit right with him. His accent was foreign only Magnus couldn't figure out exactly where from.

"Such a normal name for a little brat." The man spoke looking at Magnus with distain.

"If you must know he is protected." He spoke thinking of the Lightwoods who still called Max their grandson, "Is name is Max Bane Lightwood." He didn't want to use the Lightwood name, but he also didn't want this to turn into a bad altercation he couldn't talk his way out of without breaking the law.

The man let out a sound that almost sounded like a growl. "I thought that was only a rumor. Their weak son adopting a warlock child with a warlock male lover." The man had hate falling from every word.

"If I were you I'd watch the way you speak of Alec." Magnus growled a heat filling him he knew he had to get control of, but ever since Alec's death Magnus felt like he danced a fine line between controlled and the uncontrolled.

The shadow hunter smirked, "I forgot he got himself killed, all the weak ones do."

That was it he didn't care about the law, no one spoke of Alec that way and especially not to Magnus, but before he could do anything he heard a male's voice behind him.

"Gregory there you are." Jace's dry voice broke through the tension. "The Lightwoods were wondering if you had gotten lost."

Gregory let out a snort, "Just found a warlock checking to see if he and his-" he looked at the baby with only hatred, "Spawn were up to no good."

"This is the high warlock of Brooklyn." Jace spoke, "He does a great deal for the shadow hunters here."

"I bet he does." Gregory spoke. Magnus noted the flash of anger that went across Jace's eyes, but the shadow hunter quickly pushed it away.

"He has done no harm here and he will do no harm." Jace stepped next to Magnus now and Max looked at him and let out a squeal and started bouncing up and down in Magnus's hands he almost dropped the baby as it reach for Jace.

Jace smiled at the toddler and took him from Magnus without asking, then he turned his eyes to the new comer, "They are protected."

Gregory showed nothing but anger, but said no more he turned and left grumbling something that neither the warlock or blonde shadow hunter heard.

"I don't need your protection." Magnus said taking Max who began to show his protest.

"I know." Jace shrugged, "But you're family, you both are so you get it with or without wanting it."

Magnus looked at Jace almost surprised he still couldn't figure out this new world they were living in. It was strange to be accepted among this shadow hunter family. To still be considered family even after his connection to them was long gone. "Listen I-"

Jace just sent him a look that told him to stop talking, "Clary wanted me to ask you over the next time I saw you." He said.

"I'll have to look at my schedule." He replied not sure if he really wanted to go into their home. The last time they had all had a dinner together it was what Clary called Thanksgiving and she cooked a big meal for everyone, it had been the last time everyone of Alec's family had all been together. Only a few short months later Alec would be gone.

Jace nodded his head, but turned to leave right before he left he stopped his back to Magnus. "I have found no leads."

"Neither have I." Magnus spoke it was as if who ever had taken Alec's life had vanished from thin air something Magnus had never heard of before.

"I will find who ever did this." Jace spoke. "I will." Then he was gone he walked away without letting Magnus answer, but he didn't care he had nothing to answer with.

Magnus turned and began walking home he didn't take a care he enjoyed the walk now the weather was good.

* * *

He felt like he had looked at hundreds of cars, Laia still seemed like a kid in a candy shop as she looked at one mini van after another that seemed exactly the same to him. His eyes scanned the show room passing over all the mini vans and SUVs he sighed and left his wife who was asking a hundred and ten questions to the sales rep about the current blue mini van.

His eyes scanned around and found a jeep as he got close he looked inside the windows and couldn't keep the smile off his face this was everything he wanted in a car and just one glance told him so.

"Hun." Laia said walking up, "What are you doing over here?"

"I see you have your eye on this one." The sales man walked up. "you don't want this one." The man told him as they got in.

"I don't?" he asked confused.

"Fags drive it. No idea why, but they seem to be attracted to it." The man leaned in, "A nice couple like you want to be in something like that." The man pointed over to the mini van he was just trying to sell to Laia. He sighed it was true. He didn't need a sporty jeep what would he do with it? Drive to clubs and pick up girls? No he was a family man he shouldn't want something that wouldn't be good for kids. Right?

Something deep within him wanted to scream, wanted to tell him fuck what was practical and get what he wanted, but sense won out in the end. "I suppose you're right." He muttered as he began to grow a dislike for the other man, but he couldn't figure out why. And he also didn't know why the guys statement made his blood boil. He got out and glanced at Laia, "Just wanted to check it out."

"Yes but a car seat won't fit in the back, maybe if we were younger." She said clearly not impressed with the jeep.

Once again he felt something deep within him and seemed to hurt knowing she didn't like the jeep, after all he loved it.

"What do you think of this one?" she asked as she began walking to a mini van that looked like the blue one only it was red.

"What ever you like I like." He muttered. She didn't seem to notice his attitude change as she walked off with the salesman. He shook his head he didn't care what they got he wasn't even sure why he came he knew he was simply the guy that signed the check.

He walked outside into the fresh air and took a deep breath. Times like this he felt like he was suffocating. It felt like this mundane life just was too much for him to handle. It felt like he did the same thing over and over he woke up and went to work he came home to Laia they went to bed. Repeated over and over again. He hated his job he worked out he sat in an office all day. He wanted action he wanted to get out, but he couldn't. He had gone to see a doctor once when the responsibilities of being a husband seemed like to much. His doctor said it was simply a panic attack and it could be from his accident. To take time and slowly it would go away, and in a way the doctor was right. He got used to the idea of being a husband and only in very few moments like this one did he feel that familiar panic reaching him. He felt like he was drowning and nothing could pull him above the water. This was the worst it had been in a long time he began to pace. He groaned as he leaned his head back on a wall trying to breath normal. He closed his eyes and tried to count in his head to calm himself down but he still felt like he was drowning.

He loosened his tie trying to see if it would help. He looked out at the crowed and his eyes fell onto someone with dark hair who was holding a child. His heart began racing and in that moment he felt like he could breath again. The guy was laughing while he spoke to the toddler he was holding. His breath hitched the guy began walking away. He couldn't let him leave.

He glanced inside and Laia was smiling while she talked she seemed busy. He looked back and the man was just about to make it around a building. He began walking through the crowed after the dark haired man he didn't know why he moved but his feet just took him forward.

As he made his way around the building he saw the man had stopped to pick up a toy the toddler had dropped. And for a moment a quick moment it seemed the child seemed to flicker to blue. He had to be losing his mind.

"There you are!" Laia's voice interrupted and causing him to jump, he turned to see her wife standing behind him her hand resting on her baby bump. She looked stunning in her yellow sundress looking the part of beautiful arm candy to the successful man. The perfect family.

With his panic attack over he just smiled his back now to the man with the baby. "Just going for a walk it was getting stuffy in there." He walked over and wrapped his warm around his wife and kissed her.

* * *

"Daddy." Max said as Magnus bent down to pick up the toy, Magnus froze his heart breaking for the child. Max had only been one when Alec had died, but he had still always said dada or daddy for Alec and Papa for him. Magnus stood up strait and looked at the little boy who was moving his head to look behind Magnus,

"Daddy." He pointed.

"No." Magnus said softly, "Daddy isn't with us anymore." He hadn't heard the toddler ask for his father in a long time. In a way Magnus had began to think the baby no longer remembered Alec.

Magnus turned around, he didn't know why but he did his eyes scanned the crowed as a false hope filled him. He wished this all had been some crazy nightmare and Alec would be standing behind him, his smile showing a shy but strong man. A smile Magnus had loved because it was unlike any shadow hunter he had ever seen before. Yet he saw no Alec.

His eyes fell onto Max who still seemed to be watching someone. Magnus frowned and tried to find who Max was looking at, but he only saw a woman in a yellow dress talking to some dark haired man in a suit who had his back to them. Magnus sighed and kissed Max's head, "Let's get you something to eat shall we." He spoke hating himself for letting even a small part of him hope Alec would be standing there on his way home.

* * *

"You've been so far away lately." Laia said as they lay in bed she leaned on her husband's chest and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

"Sorry just a lot on my mind lately." He said trying to reassure her. "Just a lot of work things."

"Promise?" she asked frowning, "It just feels like you're pulling away."

"Form you?" he gave her a soft smile, "Who would ever pull away from a beautiful wife like you?"

"I'm not beautiful I'm fat." She sighed placing her hand on her stomach.

"You aren't fat." He said as he rolled over and looked into her eyes. He was about to say more, but then the flash of pain hit him, it happened in a quickly someone else was laying below him, someone else was smiling back at him a cocky self assured smile. He lowered his head for a moment and let out a low moan, when he opened his eyes he saw Laia's alarmed face.

"Something isn't right you should see a doctor." She told him worried.

"I'm fine." Her muttered as he leaned back in bed, "I've already been to a doctor they say its nothing." He paused, "Just stress."

"Honey." She paused.

"Just stress." He told her more firmly. "Anyways we should get some rest, your sister's wedding tomorrow." He turned off the light ending the conversation.

* * *

"It's a beautiful wedding." Laia told her husband as she sat down next to him. He shrugged his shoulders a wedding was a wedding to him.

"I suppose." He told her as he shoveled more cake into his mouth. Laia laughed and used her thumb to clean off his lips.

"A hopeless romantic." She grinned.

He sighed he knew what she wanted and it wasn't sitting here eating any more cake. He took her by the hand, "Let's dance." He told her.

"You are perhaps the only husband here who actually enjoys dancing." She laughed as they walked out onto the dance floor. As they got out the fast song came to another. He pulled his wife close to him she happily let him lead.

' _When I hear everybody say that old Clichy about the fish in the sea.'_

Together they glided across the dance floor as the old song began to play.

' _I'd just laugh because they have no clue how I feel for you.'_

Laia laughed throwing her head back slightly as he grinned watching her, and then it happened again those enchanting strange eyes came into view laughing in her place echoing every move she made. As quick as the image came it went and he was staring back at Laia who hadn't noticed the change in her husband she was still in the moment of the dance.

' _You're the one for me and when you doubt what's loves about baby, you know it's true.'_

They moved together knowing exactly each other's movement. People parted as they watched the happy couple envying what they had.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

He spun Laia watching as she spun, and again it happened he seemed to be removed from the room he was currently in and moved into another, people were watching him dance much like the very moment, but he was spinning someone else, those eyes with dark hair and the light shinning around his partner almost made him look like he was shinning in glitter.

Once again the image left him and he saw his wife spin and he couldn't help but smile at her.

' _I'm still here I'm still standing by while you're wandering eyes look the other way.'_

She laughed as he wrapped her in his arms again brining her close after the spin. He wanted to be as happy as her in this very moment, but her smile seemed off he usually loved her smile, but right now he longed for another.

' _And to think just because you're cruel I'm a fool because I stayed.'_

He pushed the thoughts of being unhappy from his head as their eyes locked, he loved her he married her they were a family. He was simply feeling confused because of work. He smiled down at her as she looked to him.

' _But when you doubt what love's about baby you know it's true.'_

He spun her again as onlookers smiled at the happy couple who had now accidently out shinned the bride and groom.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

He continued to spin her as he walked around her grinning. It seemed as she spun the image changed from her smile to the one he couldn't forget, her long blonde hair flashed to short styled brown hair.

' _Cause right from the start I knew in my heart. That we were meant to be.'_

Not long ago he would have thought this to be the perfect moment, a once in the life time moment, but he felt as if he had been here before dancing to this song with the person he loved in his arms only the person wasn't Laia. And the person was someone he couldn't remember.

' _I don't care go have you're fun when it's over and done come back to me.'_

He pushed the thoughts from his head and brought his face so close to his wife that their noses touched. She played with the collar of his jacket as they danced grinning up at him.

' _Everyday no matter what you do darling I'll stay true and then you'll see.'_

She helped him pull his jacket off and toss it aside they were generating so much heat dancing they way they were.

' _That when you doubt what love's about. Baby you know it's true.'_

He felt like he could look into her eyes forever, her beautiful eyes. Even as the thought went into his mind he knew it wasn't true, he could look into the beautiful enchanting eyes forever.

' _Oh I could never go.'_

He spun her as they moved down the dance floor, and then walked a circle around her as she spun watching her every move.

' _Because I know and deep down you know it too.'_

He placed a hand on her back and lowered her into a slow dip.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

He picked her up and spun her like she weighed nothing, then lowered his lips onto hers in a passionate kiss.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

He held continued to kiss her never wanting to stop, but the pain in his head started to become unbearable.

' _That you're mine and I'm the only one for you.'_

The song ended and everyone clapped, Laia blushed she hadn't noticed everyone stopped to watch them. She leaned into her husband's chest shyly as he lead her off the dance floor and back to their table a grin on his face. He forgot how much he loved being center of attention. He paused his train of thought, he didn't like being the center of attention, but someone important to him had. Someone he couldn't remember.

"Did you see all their faces?" she laughed quietly to him.

"Yeah he grinned dropping the thoughts of a forgotten someone from his mind, "It was ridiculously romantic."

He looked up at the dance floor and saw the other couples began to dance again the song was a bit faster this time, but his eyes seemed to settle on a couple, a gay couple. Two men were dancing.

"I know we should be accepting." Laia's voice spoke, "But it's still not right." She spoke her eyes following his. Laia was a church going girl she didn't think gay men or women were right. To her it was wrong to her it was sin.

He just watched the two dance and smile at each other, how could it be so wrong if they looked so happy. And in that moment a simple word came to his mind, a simple word or name he had no idea what it meant. 'Magnus.'

* * *

 **AN-So another chapter, review and let me know what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN- Another chapter let me know what you guys think.**

* * *

Magnus was cleaning out one of the old desk's that sat in his apartment. He hadn't touched it much and when ever he needed to straiten up he just used his magic, but today he had nothing to do. Max was asleep and Magnus was bored so he decided to clean the mundane way. He wasn't even sure why he still had the desk in the apartment he never used it. Alec had mainly used it when he brought work home, but even then Alec hadn't used it much it was more of a space holder then anything else. At first he wasn't paying attention to the papers he was cleaning, but when he picked up one of the books and it fell from his hand he noticed a paper fall. He slowly picked it up and saw it was written in Alec's hand. He frowned and looked at what was written. Scribbled on top in Alec's annoyingly neat handwriting it read, _'Vows._ ' Magnus felt his heart jump they had always talked about getting married not in some official way but a personal affair with their friends around. Alec always said he wanted to have them write their own vows so it would be more personal Magnus always joked he didn't care what they said to each other if it could be the party of a century.

"Alec." He said softly, "I didn't know you thought this far a head." He had thought even though they spoke about getting married that it wouldn't happen. The words written on the paper weren't complete it seemed he only got a few words and then he would scribble them out, a few more and once again crossed off. Different color pens showed he had taken up writing at different times and time and time again.

 _'They say you can't love someone unless you love yourself first.'_ Magnus saw Alec's writing in blue, then it changed to black as it would seem he had taken up written a different time. _'But I don't believe that. I have never loved myself.'_ The words seemed to break Magnus's heart, why would Alec write such things for wedding vows, but then the written went back to blue, _'But you, by the Angel you. I love you so much I forgot what hating myself feels like.'_ Magnus touched the paper and Alec's words carefully, _'Loving you taught me how to love myself._ '

"I wish you were here." Magnus whispered, "I don't know how to go on without you." He knew he had to move on, but he couldn't move on. Who could move on from someone like him.

He thought of Alec's smile he thought of Alec's laugh. He thought of the image of Alec holding little Max in his arms. He thought of every moment they had shared both the good and the bad. He thought of all the first they had been through. The first moment his eyes locked eyes with Alec. He thought of the first time they were alone together and how flustered Alec had been. Back then he could see now the words Alec had written in his vows. Back then Alec hated himself and all the feelings he used to have. It had taken Magnus a long time to brake down all the walls that Alec had built up around his heart. It took Magnus a long time to show Alec he was worth loving no matter who he loved.

And then it hit him. He would never move on as long as he could remember Alec, he would never move on as long as he held onto all these moments. He had never had someone in his life that hurt him so much leaving. He never played moments over and over again. He could forget Alec; he could wipe away all memories of the young shadow hunter so he could live again. Magnus could forget the love that only came once in a lifetime. Just as the thought came to him he chased it away. He couldn't erase all the memories he and Alec had shared that would be wrong. Right?

Yet he couldn't forget what it was like to have Alec walk up behind him and wrap his arms around him from behind and rest his head on his shoulder. It was as if a ghost still haunted him everywhere he went he couldn't make it through a single day and enjoy one little thing then have a crushing blow fall upon him wishing Alec was beside him to share in that moment. Any time Max reached a new mile stone Magnus felt himself pulling away from the baby because of his thoughts of Alec and how Alec should be there. Life would be easier if he couldn't remember Alec, life would be easier if he had never loved Alec. Life would be easier if he could just go back to an easier time, a time when he had given up on finding love. A time before Alec had awkwardly walked into his life.

He thought of the demon he could summon, a demon that in simple was a memory demon. Magnus could feed his memories to this demon he could feed him everything that had made Alec so important to him. He could take away his pain by simply allowing the demon to take any memory that caused him pain. He could take all the important moments Alec and Magnus had shared. It hurt just thinking about losing those memories, but if he did it he wouldn't have this pain. He wouldn't realize how hurt he was and how unimaginable it would be to lose Alec forever.

To lose Alec that was the question. Magnus ran the thought over and over in his head and picked up another drink and downed it, he had drank so many already. He hadn't even realized he had started to drink.

"You know Alec." Magnus spoke out loud. "I wrote vows." He mumbled, "I'll remind you who you are even when you forget or when you don't feel worthy." His voice became a whisper. "I'll always love you Alec, but maybe it is time I forgot." He downed another drink and walked from the room hoping Max didn't wake up any time soon.

 _'Over a century I've locked my self off from feeling anything for man or woman. You've unlocked something for me.'_

His own words echoed through his mind thinking of the day Alec asked him, why. Why him. Why him indeed. Bitter Magnus thought out loud. "I should never have done that, never have let you in."

He paused because for a moment just a small moment he could feel Alec. He turned around his eyes searching for the person he knew he wouldn't see. He closed his eyes and took in the feeling.

"Alec." He whispered. He opened his eyes and thought perhaps he shouldn't have drank so much because as quick as the moment came the moment was gone.

* * *

He smiled as he looked at his wife he felt like every time he looked at her he fell more and more in love with her. At times she seemed like a light that shown so bright he should look away, but he couldn't. Watching her he could lose track of time he loved her with everything he had.

Laia looked up at her husband and let a soft blush flash onto her cheeks seeing the way he looked at her. In all her life she had never thought anyone could love her the way he did. She didn't have a happy up bringing; her father hadn't been kind in any way. She grew up not knowing that there was any emotion other then fear she grew up thinking that fear was just how you lived your life. She hadn't even known fear was something you should feel when ever your father was around.

She had many scars on her body, scars her father had left behind, many bones left broken, fractured, and re-healed. She had never thought someone could walk into her life and make her think perhaps men weren't all bad. Yet the thought of her father sent a shiver down her spine. She placed her hand on her stomach trying to chase any thought of that awful man from her mind.

"Don't worry baby." She whispered and then smiled, "Your daddy will never do harm to you."

He saw the way his wife frowned and place her hand on her stomach he was about to grow worried, but then a smile went across her face again perhaps she just felt a kick. Again his mind went back to how lucky he was how could he love someone this much?

Then as if the room spun for a quick second he was transported to another place, but he was still in his living room, but Laia wasn't standing before him. There was a man standing a few feet away he held a drink in his hands and had a smile that made him want time smile. The man had those eyes he couldn't forget it was almost as if they were cat eyes. He felt his heart rate pick up as his own mind seemed to get flustered.

 _'Drink break.'_ The man spoke. He noticed the sparkles on him now. The man had sparkles all over.

Everything seemed to spin again and he was somewhere else. He spun around as he stood in the unknown apartment. He kept searching for something, something that he could make sense of, but instead he just saw the man again only he looked different. The man didn't have that smile that made him feel flustered the man didn't seem to sparkle anymore. He seemed darker he seemed sad. It was strange seeing the man this way, it seemed wrong. He wanted to move forward and go to him, but common sense stopped him.

 _"I should have never done that."_ He spoke, _"Never let you in."_ his voice seemed defeated seemed broken. And for some reason watching this other man made his heart feel like it was breaking. Seeing this man like this felt wrong. He felt like he could fix it if only he could reach out and touch him. He got the urge to go up behind the man and pull him close, the sudden urge to rest his head on the other man's shoulder. But that feeling was wrong, he shouldn't feel that way he thought men together was wrong. Right? The man turned to in his direction a small amount of light returning to his cat eyes, but it seemed the man looked right through him.

 _'Alec'_ The man whispered closing his eyes and when he opened them once again they seemed lost and hunted.

As if nothing had happened he felt his mind spin again and he was standing in the same room as his wife, only the glass cup he had been holding had fallen from his hand shattering. Laia looked worried as she rushed forward.

"Ryan!" she put her hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright."

"Fine." He muttered bringing his hand to his head. "I-I-I'm fine." He looked at his arm for a moment and thought he saw something a black mark.

"Are you sure?" she asked worry showing in her eyes and voice.

He smiled up at her, "Yeah just tired." He wanted to make her feel better; he didn't want her to worry.

Laia frowned as she could tell he wasn't telling her the truth he looked like he had seen a ghost. Her eyes fell on to his arm where he was looking "Is your arm ok?" she asked.

Ryan had let his gaze fall back to his arm, but he saw nothing. The mark he saw was gone. "It's fine." He said again. He bent down and picked up the pieces of glass that had once been his cup. "sorry for worrying you." He flashed her one of his smiles that she told him time and time again was what made her fall in love with him.

"Ryan what was that? Your eyes they seemed so far away." She still had the worry frown across her face.

"I-" he thought of the man from his dreams and how real he had seemed, how much he had wanted to rush forward and grab the man. That was wrong, wanting to grab a man in that way was wrong. He felt himself spinning again, but this time he wasn't brought to an image this time all he saw was darkness.

* * *

Magnus had called Izzy to watch Max for a bit, but he didn't tell her why he simple told her he had business to handle. She knew without him saying he was being paid to do something she didn't want to ask questions about. He almost felt bad for lying to her, but knowing in just a few short hours he wouldn't care about what Izzy thought pushed him forward. All he had to do was summon the demon that could take his memories away and in the end take the pain he had been feeling ever since he lost Alec.

After summoning the demon Magnus felt his heart fall upon seeing the demon. It had appeared in someone else's skin. It appeared to look like Alec. The only think different was his eyes. The eyes that he had loved those beautiful blue eyes were now just black. Magnus felt his voice catch in his throat he hadn't been expecting this.

"The great Magnus Bane." The demon spoke, even his voice sounded like Alec. "You have summoned me. Why?"

"I-" he took a deep breath, "Have some memories I'd rather not hold on to."

"This body." The demon spoke, "Is who you want to forget?"

"Yes." Magnus spoke, "I want to lose the ones that made me fall in love."

"That is not as easy as it sounds." The demon smiled, "That takes time, it takes effort."

"I know." Magnus spoke.

"You do not know." He said. "You must open your mind to me. We are going to be searching through memories and each memory connected to." He paused, "Alec. I will help you modify and this will lead us to one signification memory which once erased will cause a domino effect." The demon smiled.

"Can't you just take them all?" he asked.

"I'm supernaturally re wiring your memories of these past years, no it is not that easy." The demon spoke. "I will have to dig around your mind."

"I know." Magnus spoke.

"Then lets get started." The demon spoke. "Who was Alec Lightwood?"

"This is stupid." Magnus spoke.

"I repeat who was Alec Lightwood?"

"He was my boyfriend, I loved him and he died." Magnus spoke.

"When did you first meet him?" the demon asked.

Carefully Magnus picked through the memories he knew he would have to relive them one last time. He closed his eyes and made his connection to the demon. The memories started to play as if on a television screen.

 _His eyes locked on Alec in the doorway. It was if the years of putting up his walls saying that he didn't need love began to crumble away. Magnus had been hurt so many times in his past he wasn't willing to let that happen again. He tried to let his eyes fall on others in the room he noticed the other shadow hunters he noticed Clary, but even as Jace and the others spoke to him all he could think about was Alec. Perhaps that was why he had hurried so fast up the stairs to join his party._

"And what was he like?" the demon asked.

Magnus sighed and thought back, "There was something different about him. He was so strong, yet so lost."

 _He had found Clary later without Alec by her side and struck up a conversation when Alec had appeared with Jace behind her. He was about the excuse himself when the vampires had shown up; they had thrown their little hissy fit. After he had heard Alec's laugh for the first time and in that moment Magnus knew he was screwed. He remembered Alec confessing it was him that ruined the bikes, and smiled when Alec showed interest in the bikes._

"How did he make you feel?" The demon asked.

"That after a century of locking my self off from feeling anything for a man or woman. He unlocked something for me." Magnus spoke. "That anything was possible."

"You saw an attractive man at a party." The demon spoke as he picked the memory apart. "you simple were two ships passing in the night."

"Yes." Magnus said as he could feel the memory being taken away.

"Who was Alec Lightwood?" The demon asked.

Magnus now in a trace didn't argue this time. "He was my boyfriend I loved him and he died."

"So that wasn't the key memory." The demon spoke, "Tell me another memory."

Already Magnus was seeing another image forming, he was remembering their first time kissing and what had led up to it.

 _"Er " his voice paused, "It's me Alec. Alec Lightwood." His voice sounded unsure. It had caused Magnus to smile. The young shadow hunter had just shown up on his door un announced._

 _"Alexander Lightwood." Magnus had said when the young man reached his doorway. "What do I owe this pleasure?"_

 _Alec had looked around then, "Do you- have company?"_

 _Magnus had leaned against the door and spoke, "Why do you want to know?"_

 _"I was hoping I could come talk to you." Alec had told him._

 _"Hmm." He pretended to think for a moment then sprang up from the door and went back inside, "Well, All right then." He said as he did hoping Alec would follow._

 _"Want some tea?" he asked._

 _"Sure." Alec responded. He was surprised when Magnus had used magic, "By the angel-" he broke off as the coffee almost spilled all over him._

 _"I LOVE that expression." Magnus smiled, "It's so quaint."_

 _Alec just stared at him, "Did you steal this tea?" he asked._

 _Magnus ignored his question, "So." He spoke, "Why are you here?"_

 _Alec seemed distracted for moment drinking is tea before he looked up. "I wanted to thank you." He said as he finished gulping down the hot drink, "For saving my life."_

 _He leaned back on his hands his shirt showing off his flat stomach, he noticed Alec notice him and smiled. "You wanted to thank me?"_

 _"You saved my life." Alec said, "I was delirious, and I don't think I really thanked you. I know you didn't have to so thank you."_

 _Magnus smirked, "You're...welcome?"_

 _Alec set his tea down. "Maybe I should go."_

 _Magnus sat up. "After you came so far? All the way to Brooklyn? Just to thank me?" he was grinning now. "Now that would be a wasted effort." He reached out and touched Alec's cheek his thumb brushing the cheekbone. He felt Alec freeze in surprise. Magnus had dropped his hand and narrowed his eyes, "Huh." he said to himself._

 _"What?" Alec seemed suddenly worried that he had done something wrong, "What is it?"_

 _"You're just..." he was interrupted by his cat who tried to jump out of the apartment. He picked up the small gray and white tabby cat and the cat curled into the crook of his arm and looked at Alec with suspicion. "Not what I expected." Magnus finished._

 _"From a shadow hunter?"_

 _"From a Lightwood."_

 _"I didn't realize you knew my family that well."_

 _"I've known your family for hundreds of years." Magnus' eyes watched Alec, "Your sister she's a Lightwood. You-"_

 _"She said you liked me."_

 _"What?" "Izzy. My sister. She told me you liked me. Liked me, liked me."_

 _"Liked you, liked you?" Magnus tried to hide his grin in his cat's fur. "Sorry. Are we twelve now? I don't recall saying anything to Isabelle-"_

 _"Jace said it too." Alec blurt out as he grew more and more embarrassed. "That you liked me. That when he bussed up here you thought he was me and you were disappointed that it was him that never happens."_

 _"Doesn't it? Well, it should."_

 _Alec had just started at him, "No- I mean Jace, he's-Jace."_

 _"He's trouble." Magnus sighed._

 _"Do you want to go out with me?" Alec blurted out._

 _Magnus blinked, "Straight forward I see."_

 _Alec chewed his lip and said nothing._

 _"Why do you want to go out with me?" Magnus asked. "Not that I'm not highly desirable, but the way you asked, it seemed as if you were having some sort of fit-"_

 _"I just do." Alec responded, "And I thought you liked me, so you'd say yes and we could try- I mean, we could try-" he hung his head, "Maybe this was a mistake."_

 _Magnus' voice was gentle. "Does anyone know you're gay?" Alec's head jerked up; he was breathing hard as if he had just run a race._

 _"Clary." he said, "Which is, was an accident and Izzy, but she'd never say anything."_

 _"Not your parents. Not Jace?"_

 _Alec shook his head, "No. No, And I don't want them to know, especially Jace."_

 _"You could tell him. He cares-"_

 _"I'd rather not." Alec said quickly, but then fell quiet before speaking, "I've never had a date." his voice was low, "Never kissed anyone. Not ever. Izzy said you liked me and I thought-"_

 _"But do you like me? Because this being gay business doesn't mean you can just throw yourself at any guy and it'll be fine because he's not a girl. There are still people you like and people you don't"_

 _Alec seemed to think for a moment. "Yes." he finally said, "I like you."_

 _Then his eyes looked up at Magnus his beautiful blue eyes so full of emotions, curiosity, fear, affection, and puzzlement. "It's so odd." Magnus said. "Genetics. Your eyes, that color-" he paused and shook his head._

 _"The Lightwoods you knew didn't have blue eyes?"_

 _Magnus shook his head, but smiled when his cat moved over to Alec and rubbed against his leg. "The Chairman likes you."_

 _"Is that good?" "I never date anyone my cat doesn't like." Magnus said and stood up, "So let's say Friday night?"_

 _Relief flooded Alec's face. "Really? You want to go out with me?_

 _Magnus shook his head, "You have to stop playing hard to get, Alexander. It makes things difficult." he grinned, "Come on I'll walk you out."_

 _As they walked Alec seemed lost in thought, so lost in thought that he almost didn't stop at the doorway. Magnus just looked at him almost a smirk playing at his face._

 _"What?" Alec asked when he noticed Magnus._

 _"Never kissed anyone?" he asked, "No one at all?"_

 _"No." Alec said softly, "Not a real kiss."_

 _"Come here." Magnus took him by the elbow and pulled him close. For a moment it seemed Alec had no idea what was going on. Magnus looked down at Alec surprised at how well they seemed to fit together. Alec was an inch or so shorter then he was. Magnus' finger was under his chin, tilting his face up and then he kissed him. He could feel Alec let out a small hitching gasp that came form his throat and then their mouths were pressed together with a sort of urgency. This kiss was more then Magnus could hope for, more then he thought possible. Something about this shadowhunter was different. Alec had found Magnus' waist with his fingers touching the strip of care skin he'd been trying to avoid looking at before and slid his hands under Magnus's shirt. Magnus jerked with suppose then relaxed his hands running down Alec's arms, over his chest, his waist, finding the belt loops on Alec's jeans and using them to pull him closer. His mouth left Alec's and began kissing Alec's neck he could feel Alec growing weak kneed he knew he had to stop, so he let go._

 _"Now you've been kissed."_

"He never came to your apartment." The demon spoke, "You never kissed him."

 _For a moment Magnus was brought back to that night. He saw Alec cleared his throat but then reach forward and took his t-shirt in his hands and dragged Magnus towards him. Magnus stumbled against him and Alec kissed him hard and fast messy and unpracticed, but with everything he had. He pulled Magnus against him his own hand between them, and Magnus felt his heart stutter in his chest._

Then the image seemed to be ripped away. "And he never kissed you." The demon spoke. "Now tell me who was Alec Lightwood?"

"He was my boyfriend, I loved him, and he died." Magnus replied.

"You have to do better warlock, find the memory, the one that you knew you were in love with the young shadow hunter."

Magnus tried to remember all their moments together.

He saw Alec smiling; he saw their first date. He replied the date over in his mind. Alec had been late to the date Magnus thought he wasn't going to show up. Yet he did. He did in his awkward way flustered he had spilled his drink all over him.

"He never showed up." The demon spoke.

Magnus could feel himself trying for some unknown reason hold on to those memories. The pick pocket being surprised Alec caught him, the agent trying to recruit him. Everything they had done. The dinner helping the werewolf. Perhaps that was when the moment was seeing Alec help the girl instead of hurting her.

"Who was Alec Lightwood?" The demon asked.

"My boyfriend, I loved him, and he died." He felt anger fill him, "This isn't working." He snapped at the demon.

"You aren't trying hard enough." The demon growled, it sounded unnatural coming from Alec's body.

Again they tried time and time again. He remembered the battles they fought together he remembered Alec kissing him in front of everyone. But none of the memories worked, each time each memory was erased but he could still remember his love for Alec, he could still feel his loss.

He thought of their break up and getting back together, and still that wasn't strong enough. What moment had it been that he had fully realized how important Alec had been to him?

Then the memory came.

Alec holding Max. They hadn't even named the baby yet, but Magnus had walked in on Alec calming the baby holding him in his arms and Magnus knew that was the image he had wanted his whole life. The person he loved holding their future. In that moment Magnus had felt whole.

He could feel the demon's smile. "You never saw Alec holding that child, you found the baby and decided to raise him because you were lonely."

As if in a rush all the memories of Alec began to vanish every important moment they had shared, every kiss every embrace. Alec was gone from his mind.

"Who was Alec Lightwood?" the demon asked.

"He was a shadow hunter we had a brief fling." Magnus spoke, "I believe he died."

"Perfect." The demon seemed to laugh his laugh echoed through the room as he vanished leaving Magnus standing alone.

* * *

"Magnus no!" He yelled sitting up in bed. His head felt like it was pounding, it felt like someone or something was crushing his head. He couldn't figure out where he was or why he felt this way. His eyes searched the room, he caught his reflection in the full length mirror that was on the back of the door. His black hair was messy and falling in his face, wet with sweat. But something was different through the pain his vision was blurry, but he saw something dark on his neck, a mark. He touched his neck and narrowed his eyes trying to make out the mark but he couldn't figure it out. "When did I get a tattoo?" he muttered as the door flew open.

Laia hurried in, "You're awake!" she sounded relieved.

"What happened?" he asked his voice weak his head still felt like at any moment it was going to explode, the room felt like there was a fire raging. What was going on? "When did I get a tattoo?" he asked.

"What?" she asked worry flashing once again on her face, "Tattoo, Babe you don't have any." She walked forward and put her hand on his head, "Babe you are burning up we should take you to the hospital."

"No." he pulled his head away slightly, but she leaned forward and brushed her hand against his cheek. It felt like ice that he hadn't realized he longed for. Her touch soothed him. He smiled as he leaned into her hand accepting the coolness because the pressure began to fade. His eyes felt heavy and he let them close as she guided him back down onto the bed.

"Rest." She whispered. She kissed him softly and left the room hoping he would get the rest. She closed the door behind her as she left.

He opened his eyes one more time before he let sleep take him and glanced in the mirror, the marks were gone now. He sighed and knew it must be the fever brining on hallucinations.

* * *

 **AN- So I know getting rid of his memories isn't very Magnus but I promise its important for the story.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN-I have written this chapter three different times in three different ways all over 10 pages in word. Never happy with the events or how things are flowing. I think I like this one…Let me know what you guys think.**

* * *

Ryan was tired. It seemed he was always tired lately. After his fever life had gone back to normal he didn't hallucinate any marks on his arm again he didn't see the image of that man again. No. He was normal everything was normal. Laia had given birth in the recent months to twins. One boy and one girl. The moment Ryan saw them he knew all his hesitations of having a child had gone away upon seeing their faces. He almost didn't understand how much love had washed over him when he saw them, a feeling he hadn't even realized he had been missing it was as if he knew the feeling of being a father before he was one. He always thought he loved his wife, but that was nothing close to how drawn to his children he was. He knew he would protect them from everything he could he couldn't bare it to think that something could happen to them. Callen or Cal for short was the name of his son and Alexandra or Lexie for short was the name of his daughter. They both had dark hair and blues eyes taking after their father and looking nothing like their mother.

Yet every night when he would lay Lexie down after her bottle and then Cal he would look at the two sleeping from the doorway. His arms crossed and a smile on his face as he leaned against the doorframe. He would think that life was complete that it didn't get any better then this. And then his heart would hurt. He would feel a pain within him he couldn't explain a pain that came from losing someone. It came from some place he did not know thinking back through his life he hadn't lost anyone that would or could account for this pain he felt. Looking at his children he couldn't help but think one was missing. He would wake up in the middle of the night just to check on them to make sure they were there and when it was just the two of them he couldn't help but feel anxiety over a presence that was missing.

When he slept he would dream.

He would be with the twins they were about a year old in every dream waddling around while their older brother was helping them walk. A brother Ryan had no idea who he was, in his dreams the boy was called Max. In the dream his family was whole, the missing presence that he searched for when he was awake was alive and well in his dreams. The boy was blue in the dreams driving home the fact it was a dream, because people weren't blue. In the dream it seemed normal, it was fine the boy was blue Ryan loved the boy and so did the twins and the boy loved all of them right back. And then he would wake up feeling as if one was missing he would go to the nursery to check and see the twins fast asleep and still the feeling did not leave him.

Laia had been different since she had the babies. She hadn't taken to motherhood the way Ryan took to fatherhood. The doctors said that happens some times when a woman has a baby. The doctors said if he was there for her, if he helped her where he could then in time she would return to normal, but it didn't seem to be getting better. Laia didn't seem to understand how to make her children stop crying and when they both got going she got overwhelmed and began to cry as well. Ryan always stepped in to help her and when he did the babies stopped crying, but when they stopped it made it worse for Laia. She always said it proved that he was better at this then her.

Because of this the babies didn't stay home when Ryan wasn't there. He took them to the city with him and dropped them off at daycare. They were eight months old now and even though Ryan hated the idea of them going to daycare he hated to admit it, but he feared leaving them home alone with Laia. He thought about hiring a nanny, but had decided against it. He could take care of the twins when he was home and the daycare could watch them during the day, he hoped in time Laia would break free from her post partum and get closer with her children.

He walked into the daycare dressed still in his suit, but he had taken his tie off in the car an undone the top few buttons. He wasn't paying much attention when he walked and almost bumped into a very peculiar man and red headed woman, he raised his eye brows when he saw that he had glitter in his hair and glitter around his eyes. He brushed past the man who was talking to one of the teachers that ran the room for the toddlers and while he was going to ignore him he couldn't help but shake a feeling he had to look back. As Ryan walked he turned slightly while he still walked and looked at the man who hadn't seemed to take any notice of him and something Ryan couldn't explain washed over him. But his heart began to race and he could almost feel a flush climbing to his face. The man was standing next to a young red headed girl who seemed to look worried while the man just smiled. He quickly turned away to hide his reaction, even though the man wasn't paying attention. Ryan caught a small part of their conversation as he walked away.

"Mr. Bane, Ms. Fray they just disappear." The teacher was saying, "They do not listen."

"He get's that from his father." The man spoke looking at the red headed girl, "Your son that is. Not sure where mine gets that from."

The red head glared at him, but didn't argue as if she agreed that the child did get his ability to not follow the rules from his father.

"Where are they going?" the man asked seeming more amused then anything else while the girl looked apologetics.

"They keep going to the room with the babies." The teacher said, "They'd rather play with them then the children their own age."

"This is a rather new development." The man said.

"Yes." The teacher said, "They have grown attached to two of the children in particular and they only go when they are here."

Ryan didn't hear anymore of the conversation, as he left not really paying much mind to what they were saying it wasn't his place to listen. He was about to open the door to the room his twins were in when he paused hand on the doorknob. His heart rate seemed to thud in his chest. Through the window he could see the babies propped up on the rug with u-shapes pillows to help them sit. And playing with them was an older boy, maybe about three. He looked so much like the boy from Ryan's dreams, only he wasn't blue. Seeing the image before him he couldn't help but think that this was right, this was what he felt was missing when he put them to bed. A little blonde boy also sat with them playing the two older boys went back and forth making each baby laugh with funny noises and funny faces. The more he looked at the four children the more he seemed to see. The first boy seemed to change. Instead of seeing a normal three year old the child seemed to change to an image from his dreams. The boy seemed blue. He opened the door his eyes still on the child, this wasn't a dream the boy was actually blue.

"Alec!" a woman's voice broke his eyes contact away from the child. He felt someone push past him and saw a blur of red as the woman he saw in the hall hurried to the four children and scooped up the blonde boy. "You can't wonder like that you are going to give mommy a heart attack."

The little boy laughed in response, but then began to wiggle. "Down!" he said, "I'm playing."

"Mother's they worry to much." Said a male voice beside him. He turned and his heart seemed to jump again when he saw the glittery man standing next to him. "Right?"

"I wouldn't know." Ryan said without thinking his mind flashed to Laia but she never cared about were the babies were it seemed.

The man raised his eyebrows and looked at him, but didn't question him. "She just worries Alec wonders a lot." The man explained. "Usual Max isn't far behind."

Ryan looked back at the other boy who was still playing with the twins, but he wasn't blue anymore. Ryan frowned he must have imagined it all along.

"Magnus Bane." The man said reaching out his hand, "And you are?"

Ryan looked at his hand for a moment. "Uh Ryan." He told him, "Ryan Lekki." He replied taking his hand and shaking it.

"Strong grip." The other man smiled and for a moment Ryan wondered if the man was trying to flirt with him. Laia would be appalled if she saw this man. She wasn't very open-minded. She didn't agree with gay people or glitter people. She liked the type she called 'good old Americans.' Or rather that was what her grandmother always used to call them. Ryan didn't care though, to him people were people and they were judged by the deeds they did in their life, who they loved was who they loved.

Magnus smirked, "That is Clary Fray over there the girl that shoved you out of her way."

"She didn't shove, I was in the way." He found himself defending.

Magnus smirked, "She'd cut down anyone between her and that boy." Magnus told him. "I'm assuming you have kids, other wise it would be creepy if you were here." Magnus spoke, "That little boy over there still playing with the little ones is my son. Max."

Ryan's eyes snapped away from the boy and over to Magnus. "What's his name?" he asked.

"Max." Magnus said again.

Ryan looked back to the boy and tried to hold his shock, how had he known that? How had he seen an image similar to this? How had he had a dream where a little boy by the name of Max was playing with the twins?

"Mr. Lekki, we are sorry about his." Said one of the teachers, "They just do this sneak in here they play just fine, I assure you-"

"Sorry?" Ryan asked surprised, "For what?"

"These boy keep coming in, they sneak in to play with your children." The teacher continued and started to apologize again, but Ryan interrupted,

"I still don't see why you need to apologize." He told her, "They don't seem to be doing any harm. Cal and Lexie seem to like them."

"It's just-" the teacher looked at Max and frowned, "that boy he isn't right." It seemed the teacher didn't realize Magnus was Max's father. Of course a teacher in the infant room wouldn't know who each parent was of the toddler room. "He's strange."

"Strange?" Magnus half growled, but his voice held power Ryan hadn't heard before.

"It's just-" she began to stammer, "h-h-he he's just something is off about him."

"Nothing is off about him." Magnus spoke.

Ryan couldn't help but feel anger fill him, anger at the teacher for thinking Max was strange. He felt protective over the boy and that was strange he didn't even know the boy. He could feel Magnus stir next to him, but Ryan moved in front of him between Magnus and the teacher. The woman shrunk back as Ryan glared at her,

"There is nothing wrong with that boy. He is just like the rest; he is kind he is bright. And he is great with my children."

"Ye-Yes I-I'm I'm sorry." The teacher said, "I'll pack up their bags for you. I'm sorry." She quickly hurried away to get the twins dipper bags packed.

Magnus looked at the man surprised, "Thank you, but you didn't have to do that."

Ryan looked at the glittery man, "I-" he hardly ever lost his cool around people, but perhaps this time the stress of almost being a single father and a full time job with a wife at home who didn't do much was taking its toll on him.

"What was that about?" Clary asked as she walked over little Alec in her arms.

"This is the babies father." Magnus smiled at him and at Clary, "Ryan."

"Clary." She smiled at him, "I'm sorry they were bothering your children."

"They were having fun." Ryan told her, "Cal and Lexie were laughing it was all good fun."

"This is Alec." Clary said, "My mischievous son, he gets it from his father."

Alec. Ryan looked at the boy and for some reason wanted to smile when he heard the boy's name.

"Alec." Ryan smiled at the little boy smiled up at him. "I'm Ryan. Lexie and Cal's father."

"Max says they like us." He paused, "Well me."

"Like you?" Ryan asked.

"An angel." Alec smirked.

Clary let out a laugh Ryan couldn't help but explain as a nerves laugh, "Kids." She said, "Anyways why don't I get your number. Not in a way that I'm asking for your number- I have boyfriend." She paused, "Play date for the kids." continued, "They seem to get a long so well maybe Alec and Max would stop sneaking out of their class to come here if they could all be friends."

"That sounds like a lovely idea." Magnus said, "And all of us could have parent time."

Clary looked at Magnus and wanted to shake her head. Magnus seemed attracted to the other man, but he hadn't seemed to notice the wedding band on Ryan's finger.

"Sure." Ryan said. "That might be a good idea." The thought of having adult conversation seemed to excite him. As of late all he had the twins and Laia he liked the idea of having friends with kids because most of his and Laia's friends didn't have kids. Laia would still go out with them, but Ryan always stayed home with the kids.

They all exchanged numbers Magnus and Clary left and Ryan gathered up the twins. As Ryan drove home that afternoon he could explain why he couldn't shake away the smile on his face. He felt whole; nothing felt missing in those short moments he had been standing looking at his children playing with the other boys. The girl and her smile seemed right, the man and his smirk seemed normal. He felt like he could breath easy and that was strange, it was strange how peaceful he felt after just meeting new people.

His smile faded once he returned home. Laia was dressed and ready to go out to dinner with friends when he got home. She begged him to find a baby sitter, but he told her he was tried. Laia seemed upset with him, but left anyways. She said she would be home late and for him not to wait up. After she left Ryan couldn't help but feel the emptiness returning. He felt alone again. He felt numb except when he looked at Lexie and Cal.

* * *

"I don't see why you are here." The demon growled turning around to face a figure that wore a cloak a hood pulled up covering their face.

"The plan has worked." The figure spoke, "He has been away from the shadow hunters for two years now." The figure paused, "He did run in with Magnus Bane and Clary Fray."

The demon let out a warning growl to show his disapproval. And the figure quickly spoke again.

"There is a great powerful magic glamour over Ryan the can't see him for who he really is. Clary and Magnus don't see through it. Perhaps Magnus would if he knew to truly look but he has no memories of Alec left and magic is affecting Clary's memories as well altering them so she can't recognize Alec even if he were standing right in front of her. Seeing Ryan she just gets the feeling they met before but she can't fully place where or who he could be. Jace well at times can tell something is up, but its driving him mad and since he has taken to drinking too much since Alec's death not even Clary truly believes his words. She has even moved out of the institute and back home with her mother, away from him. The great shadow hunters are falling apart." The figure smiled.

The demon laughed, "The Lightwoods are always far too loyal to their blood. And Jace is a powerful enemy to have if he realizes who you are."

"My lord." The voice spoke. "I do need more magic perhaps I could use it on Jace get him to turn his mind to something else."

"NO!" the demon yelled, "I have given you all the power you need. If you can't do this I will find someone that can."

"Please." The figure begged. "I can do this."

"Then do it." The demon dissolved within black smoke leaving the figure alone with its head bowed.

* * *

Ryan enjoyed his weekends, at first he thought he would hate having to stay home and out of the city. He had never liked the idea of moving to their new house. Before the twins had been born Laia said she wanted to leave the city that it was better for the kids to grow up in the country. So he had bought her the house she wanted in the area she wanted. Ryan would do anything to make her happy even if he wanted to no part of moving. A deep part of him knew the City was home, sometimes it felt like he was always going in the wrong way to go home. Sometimes when he couldn't sleep back when they lived in the city he would go for a walk at night never having a plan to where he was going, but he always ended up at some old church that looked abandoned.

This was one of the first nice days in a long time so when the twins got fussy he put them in their double stroller and took them for a walk. Lexie had fallen asleep instantly while Cal cooed and played with the toys he had. Ryan enjoyed the fresh air. The house seemed tense today Laia tried helping with the babies, but the more they cried the more exhausted she got. In the end she took a nap and he took the babies to make the house quieter for her.

He was lost in enjoying his time when a dog came running up dragging a leash behind it. He moved quickly and grabbed the leash to stop the dog it came to a quick stop when the leash was caught. He noticed the front door of the neighboring farm house was open and a little boy was crying a red mark showing on his face looking as if he had banged his head into something.

"What happened?" an older woman asked.

The little boy sniffed, "Roxie pulled me and ran away."

The woman looked up out of the doorway and took notice of Ryan holding the leash of the dog. She let out a sigh of relief and picked the boy up. Ryan couldn't help but notice the child looked familiar. The woman walked out of the house and over to Ryan.

"Thank you, that dog is going to be the death of me." She said. "When my daughter moved in she brought it with her, but it only listens to her boyfriend." She paused, "I'm Jocelyn."

"Ryan." He said handing her the leash, "I moved in down the road a few months ago."

"Oh yes, I stopped by back when you first moved in and spoke to your wife she seemed." The woman paused, "nice. She was pregnant then." She looked down at the stroller. "I see they were born."

Ryan smiled down at his children looking at them with nothing but pride. He loved them and Jocelyn could see that simply but the look in his eyes. "Yes, Lexie and Cal they are eight months old now."

The little boy leaned away from the woman holding him and looked into the stroller a smile spread across his face.

"Our angels." He said trying to wiggle free.

"Mom!" came a voice from the doorway, "I can't find-" the voice stopped as the red head Ryan had met at the daycare came into view. He was surprised to see her and knew upon seeing her why the boy seemed familiar. She came over to them smiling and for a moment in the sunlight he could almost see what looked like scars on her skin and tattoos, but in the moment he saw them they were gone reveling perfect skin.

"Ryan right?" she smiled taking little Alec from who Ryan assumed was her mother.

"Yes." He told her a smile still on his face.

"And Lexie and Cal." Alec added, "Can they play?" the little boy looked at his mother and then at Ryan "Pweese!"

"I don't mind if you don't." Clary said her eyes meeting Ryan's. Her eyes locked on his and she felt her heart jump for a moment. His eyes she had seen them before that much she knew, but she couldn't remember from where. Trying to place his face in her mind seemed more difficult then it should be. Every time she tried to place the features among the memories of people in her past the more an image of whom his face belonged to seemed to blur.

"I wouldn't want to intrude." Ryan started.

"It really isn't." Clary said quickly, "I didn't realize you lived around here, if we are neighbors it would be nice if we got to know each other."

Ryan looked at the twins both had their eyes open now Lexie was pulling trying to get out so she could move around.

"Why not?" He said.

"Luke was just making some burgers on the grill." Jocelyn said, "I'll have him throw on a few extra." And she walked back into the house.

"Luke is my step father." Clary explained as she showed Ryan to the back yard. "But he has always been a father to me. Way better then my own. And who you just met that's my mother this is their place. I've been staying with them for a while now."

As they reached the backyard Clary unclipped the dog from the leash and put Alec down. Ryan glanced around and saw a very nicely kept back yard and didn't see the harm in letting the twins crawl around in the grass for a bit so he took them out one by one. As soon as he did Alec began showing his toys to them and playing easily with the two. Ryan thought it was strange how well the two year old seemed to be playing with others he shared everything. The man Ryan assumed was Luke came forward and shook his hand before returning back to the grill as Ryan saw flames jumping up. Jocelyn was smiling at him and the look in her eyes made Ryan's heart hurt. It was strange seeing that kind of love in someone's eyes he assumed looks like that was only in movies. He almost felt like he should look away as if seeing the look in her eyes was far to intimate for him to be seeing.

"Magnus is actually coming over today Max and Alec wanted to play and its to beautiful out." Clary told him as they sat down in the outdoor patio set. "Max and Alec are almost inseparable."

"Have they known each other their whole lives?" Ryan asked.

For a moment Clary fell silent, she tried to think back on how the children met. Without thinking she wanted to say no, that they had met in daycare and Clary who had known Magnus before this hadn't realized it was his son that her son had grown close to, but upon thinking of the question she could almost remember events that had never happened. She could almost see herself holding a new born on Magnus' couch while Max only one at the time leaned over looking at the baby. Yet none of that had ever happened. She knew Magnus because of what he had done for her mother growing up and he had helped them in all the recent wars, but they had never been close enough to watch each other's children. That was until they boys had met if Max weren't a warlock Clary would think the two boys would eventually be parabatai. "No." she finally said, "They met at daycare and the moment they did you would think they were brothers."

Out of the corner of Ryan's eye he thought he saw a blue blur run up to the other children. When he turned to look he saw Max, only Max was blue. He frowned for a moment he turned to look at Clary to see if she noticed her eyes seemed a bit wider as if showing surprise, but then they relaxed. Ryan turned back and Max looked like a normal boy again.

Ryan turned more to see the man from the daycare standing in the doorway of the house. And his heart seemed like it was going to beat right out of his chest, it felt like all the air had rushed from his lungs. The man was breath taking, Ryan hadn't really looked at him the last time they had met, he wasn't sure what it was right now but he couldn't look away. He was drawn to this man, his eyes and his heart, but what did it mean?

Magnus stood in the doorway he was surprised to see the mundane man sitting in Clary's backyard he hadn't been expecting it so he hadn't cast a glamour over Max he only hoped he put the glamour up fast enough the man hadn't taken notice. And then he turned. Ryan turned his dark hair blue eyes on him and Magnus felt their eyes meet. It was strange the feeling washing over him something deep within was screaming at him, a voice that kept saying, ' _It's him. It's him._ ' But he had no idea who him was. Magnus had went through life trusting his gut trusting the feelings he had deep within, yet this time they were failing him because a part of him wanted to run forward and fling himself into this man's arms. He had never experienced this before, the feeling of having a want for someone like that. Magnus had many people that loved him in his past, but not one that truly stood above the others. No one was ever the kind of love that you wanted to hold on to, no one had ever asked him to marry him and never had he asked anyone else. He was immortal and through all those years he couldn't think of a single great love. Maybe because he was immortal not a single mortal thought he could truly love them and those who weren't immortal simply left him over times saying they couldn't be with just one person forever. He had given up hope that he would find someone like in all the old stories, he had given up ever finding love be it man or woman. Yet looking at this man now his heart hurt as if he had seen him a long time ago, as if they had shared something so very important he just couldn't remember what it was.

"Magnus!" Clary exclaimed, "Come on over, Ryan decided to join us today." She was smiling which made Magnus smile. She hadn't been doing much of that recently. She had moved in with her mother not to long ago growing tired of living at the institute that her and Jace had run together. She didn't talk much about Jace anymore and Magnus often wondered if they were even still together. Those two shared a great love and if they couldn't make it work then Magnus had no hope of ever finding it. All he knew was that Jace was obsessed with finding who ever killed his parabatai while Clary and little Alec seemed to fall away from him. In the end Clary decided to move home with her mother, still a shadow hunter but on a temporary leave of abscesses it would seem.

Magnus walked over and took the seat next to Clary and across from Ryan. "Hello again." He said showing no signs of his troubled mind.

Ryan flashed a smile that Magnus was happy he was sitting down for because if he had been standing his legs would have given out. His eyes flashed down to the man's hands and disappointed washed over him. He was married. Probably to a woman. It wasn't often he got the wrong vibe from someone he almost always could tell when someone was gay or strait. "Hey." Ryan said through his smile.

"Will your wife be joining us?" Magnus asked and in that moment he saw a flicker of disappointment wash over the man.

"No." Ryan told him, "She-" he paused trying to find the right words, "Isn't feeling well." He finally said not wanting to go into what was really going on with her.

"Alec don't lick that!" Clary called out as he dropped a frog. Magnus wrinkled his nose,

"Where did he find that?"

"Of all the things you deal with in you line of work and a frog grosses you out?" Clary asked

"Yes." He told her, "I can contain those things."

"A frog is far easier to contain." Clary responded.

"What is it you do?" Ryan asked the two glanced at him quickly thinking of something to say.

"A little bit of everything." Magnus quickly spoke, "I dabble."

"And well, I'm-" Clary paused, "Staying home with Alec for now. My boyfriend he-"

"So you two are still together." Magnus said allowed.

"Of course we are." Clary frowned.

"Well you aren't living together." Magnus told her matter of factly, "If I was with someone I would be living with them."

"It's complicated. He's just busy and I thought it would be nice for Alec to spend some time here with his grandparents to many-" she paused, "The city is just to dangerous right now."

"My wife thinks the same thing." Ryan came into the conversation, "She had me buy this house out here in the middle of no where before they were born so they wouldn't have to live in the city."

"Do you like it here?" Magnus asked looking around, "I think it smells funny."

Ryan gave another one of those smiles that made Magnus feel like a pile of mush. "It's not my favorite place. This city is home there is just something about it." He thought for a moment. "I can't explain why or what exactly but it just feels like home."

"Maybe you just miss your old place?" Magnus asked, "As much as I love big houses I wouldn't trade my flat for anything."

Clary smirked, "You redecorate it almost every day."

"Yes" Magus agreed, "But its still perfectly sized for us. Me and Max."

"It's not that." Ryan told him, "I hated our old place. Something didn't feel right about that place either. I never quite found it, but there is something somewhere in that city that is home. I'll find it eventually."

Clary thought of the institute, that place had begun to be her home, but it wasn't exactly safe there all the time. Jace was there, but he wasn't really there. He was often so locked onto finding the killer of Alec that she felt so alone there that was why she came here to her mothers half hoping Jace would wake up and come after her, but he hadn't. He lost his parabatai and it broke him Clary didn't even want to think what would happen to her if Simon died, but a part of her maybe it was selfish, but a part of her wanted him to put himself back together to push past Alec's death and love her again the way he had once. He hardly made sense anymore he kept saying things like 'they are trying to take our memories of him.' And 'it isn't right this makes no sense.' And, 'It's like a glamour now when I think, when I see his pictures.' He was also drinking a lot now, perhaps that was why he rambled all the time perhaps that was why he didn't make sense. Either way Clary knew it wasn't a good environment for Alec to be in so she had brought him here to her mother's happy house.

The only thing that hurt Clary now was watching her mother and Luke. They were always so happy and the way they looked at each other broke her heart because Jace hadn't looked at her like that since Alec had died. Even just now thinking about it all broke her heart she wanted Jace back she wanted what they had back. She wanted Alec back. She was looking at her lemonade now zoning now not listening to Ryan and Magnus talk. And then she heard it a laugh that belonged to Alec. She knew that laugh she had heard it many times Alec's laugh the laugh and the smile that always brought a smile and laugh to Jace as well.

"Alec?" Her head snapped up searching for Alec, but her eyes rested on Ryan who looked as if he had just finished laughing her eyes locked on his. His blue eyes just as Alec had once had. Her eyes searched him picking apart every detail of his face. A part of her mind kept saying Alec, Alec, Alec over and over again, but the more her mind focused on the mundane the more a different voice seemed to be. Not Alec, Not Alec, Not Alec.

"Are you alright?" Ryan asked his dark hair falling into his face for a moment.

"I'm-I'm fine she finally said as her mind seemed to snap back together common sense rolling over her, of course this man wasn't Alec they looked nothing alike. Right? She kept trying to tell herself this, but something deep down wouldn't go away. She wondered if maybe Jace's crazy ramblings were running off on her.

* * *

 **AN- Review and let me know what you think. Hope I'm getting my point across and not confusing anyone. This all makes sense in my head, but not sure if I'm getting it across to the readers. I do apologies if my proof reading sucks I shouldn't be doing this so late at night after I only got two hours of sleep last night.**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN- Here you guys go another chapter hope you enjoy. This chapter just kind of took on a mind of it's own, hope it turned out well. Review and let me know what you guys think the more reviews the more inspiration I get to write more.**

* * *

Ryan carried pie as he walked from his house to Clary's he had Laia by his side as she pushed the stroller. She had recently begun to see a therapist that prescribed some medication for her and since then she seemed to be getting better. She smiled more, but Ryan still didn't trust leaving the kids home with her and he doubted she wanted or could care for them when he wasn't around. But she was getting better when she was around people now she seemed like a better mother. She seemed happy right now and Ryan couldn't help but think she looked beautiful walking in her yellow sundress and blonde hair blowing softly in the wind. He thought that this was how their life was supposed to be together raising the children happy. But they weren't.

He tried to be happy, he wanted to be happy but when he looked at Laia he didn't get the feeling he knew he should. He had been spending a lot of his time lately with Magnus and Clary the three had become fast friends. The way Clary spoke of her boyfriend and the look that washed over her face made him see what love really looked like. Her boyfriend wasn't around, but the way she spoke of the fire they once had he couldn't shake the feeling he never had that with Laia. It did cross his mind that perhaps Clary and her boyfriend had burned so bright at the start that perhaps there was nothing left for them to feel, but listening to Magnus and the way he spoke about the two he said in the end they would find their way back to what they used to be. As he thought of Laia he realized there really wasn't any part of their relationship that had ever burned bright, yes there was a time when he thought he was happy and when he thought what they had was love, but maybe it was just comfortable.

He often found himself staying up at night wondering if comfortable was enough. Was it enough to go forward in life when sometimes you didn't even care to be around your partner? The more he thought the more he felt his heart long for something more something he felt like he had a long time ago, but lost. He thought over his whole life, but no one stood out in his mind that could make his heart hurt the way it did. No one was that important to him that every time he thought about that part within him missing his heart broke more. He felt empty, hollow. He felt like his eyes scanned a crowed for someone that wasn't there searching for someone he didn't know. Someone his heart screamed for. And that someone wasn't his wife.

The strange thing was all those feelings went away when he was with Magnus and Clary. Something about spending time with them seemed to fill the emptiness within. Perhaps he was just lonely and being with his two new friends fixed that, but he couldn't shake a feeling it meant more. He felt like he knew them for a long time. He felt like for the first time he belonged.

"Do we have to be here long?" Laia asked as they walked.

"Babe I promise you that you will like them." He told her, "It's good to know the neighbors."

"I know them." Laia told him, "I've already met them and I don't agree with their life style." She told him. Ryan almost forgot sometimes about Laia's belief she was obsessed with god and doing what the bible said. Sometimes she seemed stronger in her belief's then others, but she always stood strong on people being married before kids and no divorcé and certainly no gay people. He knew Clary's mother had divorced her father and eventually married Luke. He knew Clary wasn't married to Alec's father and Magnus was gay well sometimes Ryan thought he was gay other times he wasn't sure. Either way they weren't Laia's kind of people.

"Do it for me." He finally said, "I like them and so do the twins."

Laia sighed, "I just-" she paused, "Why can't we go see our real friends."

"Because they don't have kids and these people are my friends and if you gave them a chance you just might like them." Ryan told her.

"But-"

"Please Laia I hardly ask anything of you and if you love me just try." He interrupted, "Your children are friends with their children so like it or not they will be in our lives."

Laia frowned, "I don't see how children under the age of one can really understand how to have friends. They will make new ones."

Ryan looked over at his wife he wanted to tell her to turn around and go home, but he also wanted her to see the kind of people he enjoyed hanging out with. Their old group of friends didn't make him happy anymore they were like Laia. Very church like people and Ryan, well Ryan didn't really believe in all of that. God and angles heaven and hell that didn't seem real to him. "Laia." He started but she sighed before he could finish.

"I will trying and get to know them because you like them and I love you." She told him, "But I can't promise that I will their life style is wrong."

"Thank you." Ryan said knowing he wasn't going to get much farther with her, at least she was willing to give them a chance.

As they walked up to the backyard Ryan could see already it was filling with people many he didn't know, but for some reason he didn't feel out of place. Usually when he went somewhere knew he hated being the stranger among the crowed, but now was different even though every face was strange to him he couldn't help but feel he had been apart of something like this before.

His eyes scanned the crowed taking in all the new faces, his eyes fell on to a couple he had never seen before. A girl with long ink-black hair and eyes that were dark brown-gold that almost looked black. His heart started to beat faster and he wanted to go to her, for some reason he had to fight running to her right now and wrapping her in a hug. She was standing with a man who had just kissed her as they traded off holding a child that looked a few months older then Cal and Lexie. He couldn't help but smile when he saw the look on the girl's face you could tell she loved the man and he loved her just by the ways their eyes met and their smile spread across their faces. Something he realized more every day that he and Laia didn't share.

"Ryan!" Clary said bouncing up, "There you are." She smiled up at him and took notice of the pie. "Luke!" she called and her step father who had just been walking by stopped. "Can you take these to mom?" she asked taking the Pie from Ryan and handing them to him.

"Sure." He responded never one for many words and turned back towards the house.

"Sorry I didn't realize this was going to be as big as it got, Luke invited all his-" she paused, "Friends. And I invited mine and mom invited some of hers. Apparently we know more people then we thought we did."

Laia watched the girl walk up to her husband and a frown began to spread across her face. The girl stood close to Ryan and as soon as she smiled up at him she noticed his smile was different. Kind and inviting, warm and at ease. She didn't like that this woman made her husband smile and she didn't like the fact her husband was friends with such an attractive girl who from what she got wasn't in the best terms within her relationship. Laia didn't want this girl to think Ryan was her ticket out of a bad relationship.

"Hi." Laia said moving away from the stroller and trying to place herself in between Ryan and the girl. "I'm Laia. Ryan's wife." She raised her voice slightly of wife hoping the girl got the hint. She hadn't noticed the stroller was positioned on a slight hill and it began to roll once she let go.

Ryan turned towards the kids as soon as he realized they were moving, but he wasn't quick enough because someone else had already stopped the stroller.

"Careful there." Magnus said as his hands took hold. "That could have ended up messy."

Clary and Laia hadn't moved through their eyes locked onto each other's. Clary being the shadow hunters she was noticed how Laia looked at her. Clary knew the girl thought she was probably going after her husband, but in truth Ryan wasn't her type actually there were times Clary wondered if perhaps he was more of Magnus' type. Still she wasn't the type of girl to look away and cower. No she had been through too much seen too much to allow a mundane woman to intimidate her. Plus she had Jace. Even if right now Jace wasn't the man she had fallen in love with she knew she would always love him. There would never be anyone else that she could love in her life, not like that. She knew or rather she hoped one day he would return to her and her world would be whole again, but if there were no Jace there also would be no one else.

"Laia!" Ryan scolded causing the woman to look away hearing her husband call her name. "You have to be more careful they could have been hurt if it wasn't for Magnus."

Laia looked over at the man holding to stroller he was dressed in something designer she assumed with what seemed like some glitter around his eyes, painted nail polish and other make up included eye liner and mascara. Gay people were wrong the bible and god said so and she knew with just one look this man was gay and she didn't like him.

"Thank you Magnus." Ryan said turning away from Laia and to the other man, who now Laia realized was one of the two people Ryan had hoped she was like. She felt anger fill her. How could Ryan love her and still think she would like these people? The little red head was going to try and steal him away and Magnus, well he was gay and nothing she told herself could or would change that. He was an abomination he was wrong. She kept quiet until she notice Ryan take Lexie from the stroller and hand her to Magnus as he stood with Cal. She felt herself glaring at her husband for handing her daughter off to a man like him.

She reached forward and pulled Lexie from Magnus and held her close, she didn't say anything because the moment Lexie was in her arms the child began to move around. Making noises showing she wasn't happy, she leaned reaching for Magnus as she began to cry acting like she didn't even know her own mother. Laia was horrified she felt herself struggling to keep hold of the little girl so she quickly handed her to Ryan hoping he didn't hand her off to Magnus again.

"Laia." Ryan tried to say, but Magnus interrupted.

"You must be Ryan's wife." Magnus showed nothing but a smile but on the inside he could already feel his hatred for the girl. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she didn't like him. Ryan had warned him that Laia was a little to churchy, but Magnus hadn't really cared, but he could also feel jealousy filling him. This girl had Ryan all to herself and she didn't even appreciate him

"Yes." She told him trying to hide her disgust for him.

"Lucky girl." Magnus grinned knowing she wouldn't like hearing that, "He's a very good guy and a great father. Also not bad on the eyes."

Ryan felt himself flush hearing Magnus complement him he never really cared when Laia said he was attractive he never really believed her anyways, but when Magnus said these words he couldn't help but believe him. Something with the way Magnus' eyes would look at him sometimes made Ryan feel light headed that as long as Magnus was watching him he could do anything. Ryan had to tell himself over and over again that was how it was when you had friends they believed in you, but a fear within him told him there was more to what he felt for the other man, feelings he knew he shouldn't have.

"I am." Laia said as she looked up at him, but not offering more words.

Ryan looked over at his wife as she took hold of him and gave her a soft smile. "Let's go let the kids play." He said as he softly pulled his arm from his wife as he balanced holding two kids and walked in the direction all the kids were playing.

Laia stood a frown forming on her face as she felt it for the first time. She felt Ryan walking away mean more then perhaps it did. She could feel him pulling away and her heart began to break. He would never be her's no matter how hard she tried to hold on. He would always be looking for something else something more. She had always feared she wasn't enough for him when she first met him and all through their time dating. When he had proposed she had hoped all her doubts that he loved her would go away. They had for a small time she thought perhaps they really had been a happy couple when she first found out she was pregnant. Ryan seemed happy with the idea, but in time he seemed to look like he felt trapped she felt like at any moment he would run. She could still feel that now, she knew the way Ryan's eyes searched a crowed, looking for someone, someone that wasn't her. She knew when he looked at her he didn't always see her he saw someone else.

She watched as Magnus offered to take one of the children for him and she saw with how much ease Ryan just handed the child over, he didn't even hesitate. Clary seemed to bounce along next to him as the three laughed over something the girl had said. Already Laia didn't like these people and now it had nothing to do with their life style. She didn't like the way they made her husband smile, made him laugh because she wasn't able to do that. With a sigh she followed after them already trying to think up an excuse why they should leave. She didn't want to be around these people anymore.

"Izzy." Clary said as they walked up to where all the children were playing. The girl Ryan had seen earlier had just placed her little girl down to play with the others. "This is Ryan is Izzy and her husband Simon and their little girl Addie." Clary spoke.

Izzy looked up at the newcomer who held a child her eyes caught Magnus holding another and it felt like her heart skipped a beat for a moment. She scanned the scene in front of her feeling as if she had seen this man before, as if she had seen Magnus and him together before. She wasn't the biggest fan of downworlders, but she also didn't hate them. She knew Clary was good friends with Magnus and also that she loved her werewolf stepfather, to Clary it was natural it was normal. Izzy had been raised to hate every downworlder there was. She had met Simon as a mundane fallen for him as a vampire and pledged herself to him as a shadowhunter. Simon had perhaps the most interesting past he was the only one around that had been all three in that specific order. They had many ups and downs through the years, but in the end they found each other again. She loved Simon and he loved her and that would never change. He was great to her when her brother died he was there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on and she didn't cry often.

She knew she had changed and for a short time after the death of her brother she had pushed Simon away but he refused to be pushed away. He stood by her and in time they had a beautiful little girl. Izzy knew she was happy, but sometimes she still would think that she wished her brother could be here because then life would be perfect.

Seeing this man at first glance she had thought her brother was standing before her once more. She felt her heart wishing to see Alec, but the closer she looked the more her brain told her this man wasn't him yet deep down her heart seemed to hope seemed to believe.

"Hello." He said reaching his hand out. Izzy looked at his arm and saw no marks his skin showed no scars, if this man was Alec he would have marks he would have scars like all shadow hunters.

Izzy let her self smile as Simon took his hand. "Nice to meet you, you must be the dad of the kids Alec and Max never stop talking about."

Ryan smiled, "They do like the twins it would seem."

"Ryan!" Laia said walking up not looking happy, "I don't know anyone here and you just left me back there."

Ryan who had bent down to place Cal down, Magnus copying placing Lexie next to her brother. "Sorry." He said as he stood. "This is my wife Laia."

Izzy was surprised she had thought Ryan was with Magnus she didn't know why she had assumed this perhaps it was the way Magnus stood holding the child it just seemed natural to see the two men standing side by side.

"Nice to meet you." Izzy said giving the other girl a smile. The girl looked her up and down her eyes settling on the ruins Izzy could tell just by the look the girl didn't like her and this made Izzy not like the girl.

Laia stayed at Ryan's side, "Yes." She turned and glanced around the party she looked up at Ryan "Can I speak to you?" she asked pulling him away from the others, once they were far enough away she whispered a bit to loud. "How long do we have to stay here?" she asked.

"Laia." Ryan frowned and Izzy noticed a familiar look flash across the man's face. It was almost like she could read his reactions, knew what every move of his face meant. "Go home if you want. The kids and I are staying."

"They are my kids to and I don't want them around these people." Her voice grew angry.

Magnus looked over at them and then back at the others unsure if they should walk away from what should be a private conversation. Everyone knew they should look away but the didn't.

"Then be a mother to them." Ryan growled and then regretted it he saw the hurt flash across her face. "I'm sorry." He muttered

"Ryan." She looked down, "I'm trying."

"What happened to us?" Ryan couldn't help but ask.

"Nothing we are still you and me. We still-" she paused. "We still love each other more then anything." She touched the side of his face and smiled up at him. Ryan leaned into her touch and felt himself relax into her, "right?"

Ryan looked at his wife a part of him wanted to say no a part of him wanted to say perhaps she loved him in that way, but he didn't feel that for her not anymore. Thinking of their life together he couldn't remember ever loving her the way people in movies loved. He loved his children more then he loved her, was that normal? "Right." He said softly, "But these are my friends they make me happy and I-" he paused he didn't want to hurt her.

"You what?" she asked.

"They make me happy." He repeated and in that moment he couldn't control his eyes he glanced in the direction of the others who all turned quickly to each other pretending they were in conversation, all except Magnus who was looking right at them and for a moment Ryan felt their eyes meet. He quickly looked away and back to his wife. "Please Laia, do it for me."

Laia felt her heart drop as she followed his eyes to look at the others she had to fight back tears. Ryan wanted these people more then he wanted her, he wanted Clary and Magnus his new best friends more then he wanted his wife. "Is it the girl?" she asked, "The red head?"

"What?" Ryan asked shocked, "No it isn't like that. She had a boyfriend and I have you." He took her hands in his, "You are mine and I am yours remember?" he said unsure why he decided to recite their wedding vows. His heart doubted his love for Laia but his mind kept telling him over and over again that he did that he had to prove to her he loved her. His heart screamed that he was lying, but his head was far more powerful then his heart.

"Yes." She said and she kissed him. Ryan felt his doubt leaving him he forgot how much he enjoyed kissing his wife.

"Stay." He said, "Get to know these people."

Laia hung her head, "I can't." she told him, "I can't stay with their kind."

Ryan sighed, "I can."

"I know." She said she smiled at him, "They are just like you." She told him.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I can't explain it, but there is a ease that you have here I noticed it when we arrived." She told him, "Perhaps that's why I-" she stopped, "Over reacted. They make you happier then I do."

"No." Ryan lied. "They do make me happy, but I want you to see that I want you to be part of that."

"You're mine and I'm yours." She told him and kissed him again. Ryan was surprised his wife hadn't been this affectionate since the twins were born, "I'll be back at the house. My beliefs are my beliefs and these people don't follow gods law."

Ryan sighed but didn't stop his wife as she walked away. He wondered if he should follow her home, but as she left his sight his pull to her left and once again he felt himself drawn back to the crowed of people who still pretended they weren't listening.

Magnus knew what loved looked like. He knew what couples in love were like. He had seen how Clary and Jace had once acted. What he saw from the other young couple wasn't love. It was simply a man and woman going through the motions. It was strange how the mundane girl had this man wrapped around her finger when Magnus wasn't even sure if Ryan was strait. Yes he was married to a woman, but plenty of confused men did that. Magnus wasn't sure what was between Ryan and his wife, when they were apart and Ryan talked about her he only talked about her when questions were asked. Clary on the other hand brought up Jace whenever something reminded her of him. When Magnus saw Ryan and his wife together there were moments when Ryan seemed annoyed with her, but then he looked at her with love but it wasn't really love something didn't feel right. Perhaps he was just looking for something to be wrong with them with their relationship in hopes that Ryan would see him really see him.

Magnus didn't want a relationship he didn't want someone in his life. He didn't want the pain that always come from loving someone, yet this man seemed worth it worth all the pain in the world just for a short time together.

' _He is your undoing._ ' A raspy voice whispered, but it sounded more like a growl.

Magnus looked around he could have sworn he heard a voice, but turn to see no one. He looked over at Ryan who was now walking back over to them after he watched his wife walk away.

' _You love me?'_ a familiar voice echoed in his mind sounding astonished, sounding kind.

Magnus lowered his head to his hand for a moment as a pain filled his mind.

' _Remember.'_ The growling voice was back, _'and it will undo you.'_ The voice faded away as Magnus felt a touch on his arm.

"Are you alright?" Ryan asked

Magnus snapped his head up and took Ryan in for a moment his eyes scanning his friend. Something about him seemed different it was almost like when you couldn't think of a word to say and it was at the tip of your tongue, but this had to do with his eyes his sight. Something about Ryan was familiar but he couldn't place what it was. He thought of the words in his mind was he going mad? He couldn't help but feel a cold feeling through his body when the voice spoke, but yet when Ryan touched him that coldness turned to warmth. "I'm fine." Magnus smiled at Ryan and he felt his heart beat faster.

"Did your wife leave?" Clary asked.

"Yeah she-" Ryan paused, "Had some stuff she had to do."

Magnus raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

"Well that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the barbeque." She smiled for a moment but then her attention turned to someone who had just walked through the house. She looked shocked which caused Ryan and Magnus to look. Clary didn't say anything she just began to walk fast to the couldn't believe her eyes. He was really here could this be real? Was he coming back to her? Had her mother's plan worked to bring him back?

"Whose that?" Ryan asked as his eyes settled onto the new comer. He couldn't take his eyes off the man. He noticed the tattoos that seemed to match Clary's, Simon's and Izzy's.

"That." Magnus sighed, "Is Jace Herondale. Clary's legendary love the father of her son."

"Legendary?" Ryan said glancing at Magnus. His mind seemed to turn the name Jace Herondale over and over in his mind, he knew that name but couldn't remember why.

"Or tragic not sure which one it will be yet." The warlock told him.

Clary hurried over to Jace something looked off about him as she reached him she noticed a smile on his face, she hardly saw him smile anymore.

"Jace what are you doing here?" Clary asked a smile on her face beyond happy he was here.

"I figured it out!" he told her his voice excited, "Why I can't find the demon."

Clary's face fell she had allowed herself to hope. She saw him walk through the door she saw the smile on his face and she had allowed herself to hope perhaps he wanted to see her to spend time with her the way a family should.

"Why?" she asked the light starting to leave her eyes.

"I've been looking for the demon that _killed_ Alec." Jace told her as if she would understand him.

"Yes." She said, "You've done nothing except that since he died."

"I was wrong." He told her and for a moment Clary thought perhaps he was here to apologize for the past few years that perhaps he really was returning to her. "Don't you see?" he asked and Clary noticed the look in his eyes this time, something wasn't right and she felt her heart breaking. He looked mad like the mad hatter off Alice in wonderland.

"See what?" she asked her voice soft as once again the hope within her died. She wasn't going to get Jace back he was driven mad by the death of Alec. He died that day with Alec not in body but in mind.

"He isn't dead." Jace whispered. Clary closed her eyes for a moment fighting the tears in her eyes.

"Jace you watched him die-"

"No I didn't" he put his hand to his head, "He didn't die in that fight no-" he shook his head as he seemed to be fighting through memories in his mind. "I wasn't there when he got hurt. I didn't-" he closed his eyes. "I-I felt it I ran to them. I ran and found him laying in Magnus' arms."

"Magnus?" Clary asked and her mind remembered the madness she had seen in his eyes. "Magnus hardly knew him."

"He loved him!" Jace said sternly his eyes snapping open.

"Jace-"

"No!" he said suddenly, "I ran to them, but Alec was already gone in Magnus' arms. He was devastated." His eyes scanned the woman he loved, "There was a flash of blue and then he was gone. Alec was gone."

Jace felt something snap within his mind. It was as if for the past few years everything had been blurred as if he needed a pair of glasses. In that moment everything became so clear. "He wanted to forget." Jace said, "He couldn't handle the pain. Magnus must have given up his memories and the demon must have taken ours altered reality."

"Jace please." Clary said looking at him showing pain in her eyes. Jace felt his heart break; he had caused this pain in the girl he loved. He tried to remember the last few years since Alec had died, but he had two separate memories he remembered the life he shared with Alec and how Alec had loved Magnus and Magnus had loved him and Alec had died in the arms of the man he loved. Jace also remembered a life where Alec never came out and stayed in pain his whole life and died without having anyone he loved holding him. Only he hadn't died Jace figured that out driven half mad from the two memories.

"Clary listen to me please. I remember everything." His eyes searched her's hoping she believed him, believed in him. But for the first time in his life he saw doubt flash across her face. He felt a flash of anger fill him an anger towards Magnus this was his fault this new reality was all because he wasn't strong enough to handle Alec's loss. He turned his attention to the warlock and when he saw him all the anger left his eyes. Standing next to Magnus was Alec. He was here. He had returned to them.

"Alec." Jace whispered.

Clary looked up and followed his eyes, "No. Jace." Her voice was the one she used when she spoke to little Alec. "That's not him." She reached for his hand, but he pulled away.

Jace pulled away and began walking towards the warlock and Ryan. As he reached them his eyes scanned Ryan he looked slightly different mainly by the cloths he was wearing. His scars still were upon his arms and the ruins showed on his skin. "Alec." He whispered. "You-"

"Jace!" Clary had hurried up next to him.

"Clary don't you see?" Jace asked smiling, "It's Alec."

"No." Clary told him as she looked at Ryan, "I'm sorry, he's-" her voice broke slightly, "Something is off with him."

Ryan noticed the tears forming in Clary's eyes and his heart broke for her. "It's alright." Ryan said.

"Alec. Tell them." Jace demanded.

"I'm not Alec." Ryan told him. "I'm sorry."

"No." Jace shook his head, "You are, I see you."

"Jace." Magnus said.

"Quiet Warlock you might be family, but this mess is your fault." Jace growled.

"Family?" Magnus asked

"Warlock?" Ryan asked.

"Jace!" Clary yelled, then she turned her head, "Luke! Simon!" she called.

Jace launched himself forward and began to pull at Ryan's sleeve to expose his forearm. "Just show them." He pleaded.

"Hey!" Ryan yelped. He had wondered why Clary never brought Jace around he could see why now he really was crazy Ryan had thought Magnus was exaggerating. He remembered all the stories Clary told him about the man and Ryan had thought so much more of him. The way Clary looked when she spoke of him made Ryan wish he had that kind of love, but perhaps loving someone to much left you in this situation. Clary was always going to be in love with a mad man that would break her heart time and time again.

"Jace." Luke said taking a hold of the shadow hunter and pulling him back. "I think it's time you go."

Clary had her hand on Jace's arm trying to calm him as he began to fight against Luke's hold. "Jace please." She pleaded as Simon appeared at Luke's side to help the struggling Luke over power Jace and pull him into the house.

"Alec!" he yelled his eyes fixed on Ryan. It hit Ryan like a wave of motion sickness he almost could feel the other man's despair his eyes locked on Jace he could feel the pain deep within the other man. The pleading, praying, hoping for his friend to be standing before him. Ryan wanted to go after them to comfort the man, but that was his heart once again pulled in a direction that made no sense. His mind won out and he stayed where he was. He watched as Luke wrestled Jace into the house as the blonde man's voice grew more desperate yelling "Alec! Alec please!" over and over again until no one could hear him in the house and in that moment Ryan felt his heart break.

"I'm sorry." Clary whispered. "I-"

"Go." Magnus said, "He needs you right now."

Clary nodded her head and hurried off after Luke and Jace.

After she left Ryan turned to look at Magnus.

"That is perhaps the most disturbed I have seen him." Magnus said to Ryan trying to make light of the situation.

"What's wrong with him?" Ryan asked.

"Nothing." Izzy had come back and picked up her daughter. "He's fine." A fire appeared in the girl's eyes that said she would defend those she loved until the end. "He just lost someone important to him and wish's he could have him back." She paused, "When I first saw you I thought you were him too, you remind me of him which is strange because you are mun-" she stopped herself, "He doesn't sleep much anymore he's been driving himself mad trying to find who ever killed my brother. He just needs to rest and he will be back to normal."

"I doubt that." Magnus said, "He called me family." He smirked; "I am no family of the neph-" he stopped himself remembering Ryan. "I only like Clary and her mother."

Izzy glared at him, "Well I didn't come to this party for you now did I?" she asked.

Ryan saw the way she looked at Magnus, did she not like gay people? Perhaps Izzy and Laia could be friends then.

"Papa." Max said coming up to them. "Why are you and Aunt Izzy fighting?"

"Aunt?" Magnus frowned Max nodded his head. "She's not your aunt."

Max frowned and looked at Izzy and then at Magnus, "She used to be." His voice was low before he turned and walked away and Magnus continued to frown.

He looked over at Izzy but she had already walked away with her daughter in hand heading towards the house in the direction the others had went.

"What was that about?" Ryan asked, "Why don't you two get along?" he wasn't sure why he cared, but he did for some reason he wanted Izzy and Magnus to get along.

"She doesn't like me."

"Because your gay?" Ryan asked surprised by his own question.

Magnus shrugged, "I doubt it her brother was gay even if he wouldn't admit it and if I remember correctly a very good kis-" his words trailed off as his eyes met Ryan's.

 _'Never kissed anyone_?' He heard his own voice echo through his mind, _'No one at all?'_

 _'No.'_ the kind familiar voice answered softly, _'Not a real kiss.'_

 _'Come here.'_ He heard his voice answer back.

Ryan's eyes were still on him waiting for him to finish his sentence but Magnus just cleared his throat.

"I think this party is a bust." He sighed, "Max we must go."

"But we just got here." Max pouted. "I want to stay."

"We go home." Magnus said firmly, Max frowned but got up and came to his father's side. "Good bye Ryan."

Ryan couldn't help the frown on his face, for some reason the name Ryan sounded wrong coming from Magnus his mind recognized the name, but his heart rejected the idea. He bid his farewell to Magnus as he watched him leave and a part of him longed to pull the man back and ask him to stay.

"Ryan!" Clary came hurrying up, "Can I ask a favor of you?" her eyes showed she had been crying, but it seemed now she was trying to hide it from him.

"My mother, Luke, and I have to get Jace-" she paused, "I have to get him home would you watch Alec for me? I don't want him to see his father this way."

"Of course." Ryan told her. His mind flashed to the blonde man earlier and he couldn't help but reach for his forearm. He wanted to go with Clary he felt he had to help the man, but he couldn't there was nothing he could do so he would watch Alec.

"Thank you" she looked away, "I don't know when I will be back maybe not until tomorrow would you take him to the daycare with you tomorrow?"

"Yes of course." Ryan repeated, "Anything you need."

For a moment their eyes locked and just in that small moment she thought she saw her old friend standing before her. She thought of everything she had been through with Alec since she had found out about his world. He hated her and she hadn't been his biggest fan either, but when he met Magnus and when he embraced who he really was she had seen him truly smile for the first time. She had loved the man Alec had become his smile was one that made those around him smile he united the downworlders of New York City in ways no one had ever imagined. He had been friends with vampires and Werewolves, but also created a way for the two races to get a long as well. "Magnus and Alec were together." She said aloud without thinking as she went over what her mind had just told her. Alec had become happier with Magnus.

"What?" Ryan asked frowning.

"Jace's friend Alec the one that died he and-" and everything seemed to be chased from her mind she tried to hold on to what she was about to say, but every thought that had come to her mind vanished the way dreams sometimes do when you open you eyes. "Sorry I forgot what I was going to say." She gave him a small smile and this time when their eyes met she didn't see any resemblance to her fallen friend. A car honked from the front of the house and Clary glanced in it's direction. "Thank you Ryan." She said quickly. She went over to Alec who was still playing with the twins, "Baby mommy is going to go to the institute for a little bit and you are going to go to Ryan's house for the night alright?"

"Yay!" Alec grinned then he looked at his mother, "Is daddy leaving?"

"Yes baby, Daddy needs to see a doctor and Mommy is going to take him." Clary told him.

"Will daddy get better?" Alec asked.

"We will see baby." She said softly, "The silent brothers are going to help." She kissed his head and stood up. "Thank you Ryan." She said before hurrying to the front of the house.

Ryan took the twins and put them in their stroller after she left and picked up Alec and walked home knowing the party was now over everyone of Clary's friends seemed to follow her showing worry for Jace and Magnus he had already left. As Ryan walked the two year old continued talking and as they walked Ryan couldn't help but think how intelligent he sounded for being so young.

* * *

Magnus sat alone in his apartment Max had been dropped off at daycare for the day. He found himself sitting on his couch staring at a desk a desk he never used a desk he couldn't remember getting or why he kept it. Every time he redid his apartment for some reason he kept that desk. It was old and not something Magnus would usually think up or find attractive yet here it was. He thought about getting rid of it, but he couldn't. Every time he went to wave his hand over the desk he paused he hesitated and for some reason he felt his heart breaking. His body just moved then it seemed to glide across the room to the desk his hand reached forward and opened up a draw that seemed more of a secret door. A piece of paper sat inside it written in an elegant hand. Some of the writing was in blue and some in black he frowned for he had never seen this paper before. The paper had 'Vows' and his heart seemed to stutter for a moment and it felt like the air couldn't find its way to his lungs _. 'They say you can't love someone unless you love yourself first.'_ Was written in blue and his heart fluttered again. The writing then turned to black showing that it had been started another time from the first. _'But I don't believe that. I have never loved myself.'_ The words seemed to break Magnus's heart who would write such things for wedding vows? Then the writing went back to blue, _'But you, by the Angel you. I love you so much I forgot what hating myself feels like.'_ Magnus touched the paper and the words carefully, _'Loving you taught me how to love myself.'_ By the angel was a term that only nephilim spoke, why did he have a desk that had once belonged to one of them? He thought of Will, perhaps it was Will's desk and he had written the words for Tessa? But the paper didn't look that old. He frowned it couldn't be Jem's words because he never hated himself, so who had written these vows and who did they belong to? He flipped the paper over and could almost feel his jaw drop his own writing was on the back of the paper. A simple sentence was written, _'I'll remind you who you are even when you forget or when you don't feel worthy.'_ Had he really written that? He frowned and flipped the paper back over and re-read the vows then re-read his own writing. Why did he write that as if to answer for the vows of a nephilim?

 _'Alec.'_ A voice seemed to whisper in his mind and again his frown. For some reason that name had been floating around his mind since the party. Ever since he had seen the look in Jace's eyes as he looked at Ryan his eyes had seemed so full of understanding. While his words had seemed crazy his eyes had seemed so bright so real, eyes that reminded him of Will. The more Jace had spoken of Alec the more Magnus had wanted to leave the party to put himself far away from any mention of the shadow hunter, but why? Why did he want to change the subject when anyone brought up the fallen man? Why did his heart hurt in a way he could only explain as heartbreak over a man he had hardly known.

Nothing was making sense anymore his mind didn't seem clear and it had never been this way before. He opened his cell phone and dialed Catarina's number he heard her voice on the other end sounding annoyed and he felt himself fall to his knees as a pain filled his mind. He kept hearing her say his name over and over again each time sounding more worried. He let out a yelp of pain as he grabbed for his head. He began to fall into darkness and as he did a smile flashed to his mind. Blue eyes came to his mind, dark hair messy falling in the man's eyes. For a moment he thought of Ryan, but understanding began to come to him, the images weren't of Ryan. Well they were, but they also weren't. They were of Alec Lightwood. He opened his eyes to see Catarina kneeling in front of him.

"Magnus!" she showed worry in her voice. "What's wrong?"

"Alec!" he gasped through the pain that seemed to be hitting his head again everything in his world began to spin he could feel Catarina grab him as his body was falling.

"You remember who Alec was?" she asked shock on her voice.

His eyes opened again and he met her's and very clearly he spoke, "He was my boyfriend, I loved him, and he died." As the last word left his mouth he could almost hear laughter fill his mind a laughter he knew too well a laughter he feared. Then he slipped away Catarina was speaking, but he couldn't hear her something was pulling at his mind something was pulling him away, his body stayed in Catarina's arms, but his mind was ripped away to somewhere that was far to dark.

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 **AN- Another chapter for you guys a little bit longer then the others, but didn't think anyone would mind. Review and let me know what you guys think. I know it seems Laia made a sudden character change, but I promise it will all make sense in the end.**


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